Friday, November 19, 2010

Feeling terrible

So, I don't feel that good and on top of it I'm not getting any sleep. Also, I just feel like I just suck lately. I mean, my dinners are not very good. I constantly struggle between trying to make something fast , healthy and not crazy expensive. I always buy too much and am not good at the whole using leftovers to make something the next day. I'm probably just too lazy to put any real effort into my "job" and that's mostly the problem, but I don't know. I know I just complain a lot and that just makes me feel worse. Especially when my husband gets angry and tells me to stop whining all the time and just fix the problem. Don't sleep? Go to the doctor. Yeah, i get it, i need to go, I just feel so blah I don't have the motivation. I know I make an excuse for everything and it drives Vinnie crazy. I probably do need to go to the doctor to get this insomnia thing figured out. I know i also need to go to the dentist bc my teeth are constantly killing me.

My house is a mess bc I'm just too tired to get anything done and that just makes me more depressed. I don't get out of the house (again I know that's my own fault) but where am i supposed to go and again I don't have the motivation. That's why I was so pumped to join a gym but now I'm just back to blah about it because Vinnie wasn't really for it. I don't even really want to anymore. Also, I don't do anything for myself, ever, I mean I don't get my hair cut, or dyed, I don't get my nails done or go buy new clothes or things I want. All I wanted was to go to the gym so I don't gain my weight back and so I can hopefully start to feel better. I will talk to my mom and she always understands exactly what i'm talking about, maybe because she has been there, but I can never explain it to Vinnie. Ugh, I love my husband and he is awesome, we just have to find a way to get on the same page sometimes, and again it doesn't help that he constantly tells me he wishes he could just stay home and hang out with Abigail all day... yeah ok :( it's mostly on me because I don't take care of myself and just get things done that need to be done.

I don't know when I became this way, I mean I got everything done in college, then once I moved out here I just have made excuse after excuse for everything and it makes me feel like a terrible and lazy human being all the time. I know the easy solution is well then do something (which is what vinnie says) but I can't seem to do ANYTHING. I don't know why but I think if I were home in a familiar place and surrounded by my family things would be different. Well, that's all for now, going to try to "sleep" again...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm back...

I am really terrible at this blog thing, I'm not going to win any super blog awards, but it's really just easy to type than write in my journal, so what ev. Anyway, not much has been going on. Just trying to switch gears and do the Army wife thing now, we'll see how that all works out, don't know if I should try getting involved in the FRG, it's not really my thing, but I suppose it's expected of me. Went to a coffee tonight, I'm thinking everyone there was either a leader or co-leader or something and I'm a nothin and felt dumb bc I had never even been to a coffee before, but hey I've only been invited twice in 2 years so give me a break. Anyway, it was nice, so we'll see what happens with that. Not feeling to good tonight, hope I don't get sick, but I took some ibprofen and I"m feeling much better now, should have had some before I went to the coffee.

Oh, we went on this marriage retreat which was awesome and I made a couple new friends, so now I have a 2-1 buddy I can drag around to all this army stuff. Ok, well, probably should go to bed, but won't so nighty night