Sorry again

I know I said I was gonna try to do better blogging. But honestly I don't feel like I can really express my feelings on here anymore the way I want to. I don't have anything to hide from Hubby but he gets upset if I say anything negative. Since I pretty much have depression I can hardly ever express a positive thought. So that leaves me with nothing. I think it's good for him to read about how I feel even though I know I should talk to him directly like a normal person I just can't bring myself to do it. No matter what I say he cant understand how I feel so what's the point. Everything I say is just an excuse. I just look for a little empathy I guess. Well I was going to type s lot tonight but of coarse my computer died and so I'm typing on my phone. Maybe tomorrow night I'll be better able to update on my feelings lately. Good night

Hello, making a comeback

So, I doubt anyone is reading my blog, but I am going to try to write some more. Things have been a little busy:

First let me send out a huge CONGRATULATIONS to my friends Priscilla and James. On Tuesday Priscilla and James welcomed their healthy rainbow baby boy Samuel Ryan! I am so excited for them, there are no words. I can't wait to meet the little guy, but of coarse she lives across the country, but we will find a way.

Another CONGRATULATIONS goes out to my big sister Carrie and her new husband Josh who were married last Saturday. It was an amazing wedding/reception. It was so hot that day, upper 90s and she was having an outdoor wedding. Then, abut 1/2 hour before the wedding was to start a giant storm rolled in, I mean tornadoes people. But, my sister so calm and collected said no big deal, move it in the chapel, and it was beautiful, and we were able to sing "going to the chapel" on the way in the limo, so it worked out.

On another note, since my whole family knows now, Vinnie and I are expecting number 2! I know, pretty awesome. I'm only 8-9 weeks and haven't been to the doctor yet, so we shall see how things are going, not sure yet, hopefully all is well. So, now that I'm not a crazy person I am free to talk names!!!!! I think we have our boy name for sure:

Benjamin Clark
It's possible the middle name could change to Christopher or Kevin, but unlikely.

For girls, it is interesting, there are just so many names I like. I like Caroline, Elizabeth and Emmalyn

I'm trying to find a way to convince others that Emmalyn is awesome, I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I have gotten the "eh" from everyone in my family on that one, but I just love it for some reason even though it's different from my name style. Elizabeth is my sister's middle name, and I really want to use it no matter what, first or middle. So not sure.

Well, that's my update. Talk to ya later.

Is there a job for me?

Starting to think there isn't. Jobs just keep disappearing on me. It is pretty depressing. I was hoping that charter school I interviewed for would be the one, i ROCKED THE interview, but got screwed bc I'm out here in WA. This just sucks, I need a job really bad. I know the market sucks, blah blah blah, but I know A LOT of people who got teaching jobs who honestly, should not be teachers. I don't know what else I can do, I'm just blah right now. I'm too tired to do anymore applications, especially this one with 8 questions that I want to answer 10 different ways. Will they even read it? I'm thinking no. Alright, well I'm gonna rest, can't do anymore right now.

Sorry!

Sorry it's been forever. I am just really busy lately, a lot going on. I am trying to find a job across the country. However, if I get the job I will have to leave Washington and take the baby with (away from Vinnie) for awhile, probably October. That's a long time. I don't know what to do anymore. It's all so confusing, I'm just stuck in limbo all the time.

On another note, my new favorite baby names:

Benjamin Clark

Audrey Elizabeth

What do you think?

Sorry MIA

Hey, just want to drop a quick note to say I'm still here. I've been real busy between my trip home and applying for teaching jobs. Hopefully I'll get back into a swing of things.

Weekend

Well, it's a 4day weekend for the hubby, which doesn't really mean much for me other than I get to see him a little more. I didn't get out of the house today, it's just been one of those days, I can't explain it all right now.

Also, I think I officially give up trying to make friends, it just isn't worth the disappointment anymore, apparently people aren't as desperate to make friends as I am.

I don't really feel like writing. I'm going to bed early, just sick of everything right now, I need to check out.

I'm thinking I might just join a gym tomorrow even though I'm leaving in a few days for two weeks, oh well, it needs to be done. I'm s disappointed that I have gained 20lbs it's just another thing to add to the "I suck at life" list. Well, going to bed, at 8pm. Goodnight.

Yep

Yet again I cannot come up with a title. Just to warn you, my "o" button isn't working well, so if any words are missing "o"s I'm sorry.

Well, I have started the process of applying for teaching jobs back home. I'm pretty excited, but nervous too, we'll see.

On another note, why am I addicted to tragedy? What is wrong with me? I follow people's blog who have lost children and spouses. I am always reading posts on the Grief and Loss part of message boards. I even watched the last Army wives episode 3 1/2 times. I don't know what my deal is. Do I want to freak myself out, become more aware? Try to sympathize? I haven't got any idea. I wish I knew, if you know please tell me.

I'm going home Wednesday for Carrie's shower, pretty excited to go home, I might just cry and kiss the ground when I arrive, I basically did that last time (sept 2009). Wow, I really miss home.

Vinnie has a 4 day, so that's exciting, although we have no plans. I'm trying to get together with a new wife, so we'll see if that happens, I'm kind of a failure when it comes to making friends.

Umm, nothing much else going on except I found Abigail naked in her crib this morning and it was hilarious, at least she didn't poop.