Today

Today was going great, I got my nails done and my eyebrows done, Vinnie walked Abigail around the mall for awhile.

But tonight was terrible. Goodnight.

yep

Bad day

Home

So, I really think I want to be home. I just miss it so much. There are so many reasons, but I will only talk about a few right now. Everyone knows I am a homebody, I mean most people love their families, obviously, but I actually enjoy being around them all the time. That is why I went home during deployment. I was the child growing up who told her mom that she was going to live across the street when she grew up and now I am the ONLY one that doesn't live close to home, it's craziness. Yes, my brother was in the military for 14 years, so he was gone for quite awhile, my sister went to college and lived in California for a little while, but now they are all back home and I am so jealous. I want Abigail to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I miss my grandparents, I know I am running out of time with them, I hate being so far from home and them not getting to know Abigail and not having memories of Abigail with them. I miss having friends. Yes, I know a couple people here, are they friends? I don't know, would I call them if I needed something? Would they visit me in the hospital? Would they go see a movie with me, I don't know. They don't really know me and there just isn't enough time to get to know someone that you only see every once in awhile. I miss my friends at home, no I don't have a lot of friends, but I have a couple really great friends and I miss them. Do I hang out with them everyday? Nope, but I know if I needed them they'd be there in an instant, I miss that. A lot of people I know have or are having babies now so we could get together with or without the kids and we'd have something in common. I just want my own house. It's hard to feel like I'm home when this isn't really my home and I don't know where I'll be next. I know home is where the heart is and I love Vinnie and Abigail, but a large part of my heart is back home. I need my mom. I need her guidance and advice. All of her kids turned out awesome and I want to know how she did it! Also, I want to know my nieces, nephews, etc. My nieces don't even know who I am anymore and that sucks. They would never want to hang out with me because I am practically a stranger to them and I haven't even met my newest niece who was born in September. Well, that's my vent for now....

If we went home, I would get a job if I had to, no guarantee that I'd find one, but I'd do something, if I have to work at McDonald's I will. At least at home I have more references and more of a chance at finding something.

I don't know what Vinnie would do for work, I'm sure he could figure it out. He could get something temporarily while he's looking for something better, you know, don't wait out for the big kahuna, just take what you can get and then keep looking.

I know this won't happen, and if it does it won't happen for a long time, it's too scary to get out of the military and dive into the unknown, but we could make it work. We have the support of our families and could stay with them if we had to, we only have to be able to pay our non house related bills.

Ok, I really am done now.. byebye :)

Oh how sweet!

I think I have decided that I really LOVE the name Caroline Elizabeth and if Vinnie approves I couldn't imagine me changing my mind. I just listened to Sweet, Caroline like 4 times and I am so in love. Plus my mom loves Neil Diamond (side note).

Just thought I'd let ya know :)

I wish there were easy answers

This whole thing just drives me crazy. I know I don't want to work full time, at least not now while Abigail is little and I don't have to. But I know that I need something outside the house that is my own. A part-time job makes sense, but then I'd also have to put Abigail in daycare and I'd be committed (even if it's part time) and not be able to really work around the crazy Army schedule or visitors coming to town or trips home. What I'd really like to do is volunteer in a classroom, but I cannot justify putting Abigail in daycare a couple hours a day or week and not making any money to pay for it. I wish I were home sometimes, then I'd have grandma for those kind of things, I WOULD NEVER use my mom or Vinnie's mom as a permanent babysitter, but for a couple hours every now and then, I think that would be ok.
I get so stressed sometimes because sometimes it seems like we'll be in this army thing for 20 years and other times we are getting out tomorrow. I need to know what the plan is. If Vinnie gets out we should put off having a baby because we won't know what we'll be doing, I don't want to HAVE to work full time with a newborn.

But anyway, I need something, something to make me, me and some interaction and smart conversations with adults. I miss college so much. I could go back to school, but if I increase my education it actually lessens my chance of getting a teaching job, unless I were to go for a PHD and be a professor, which is what I ultimately want. One idea I had was studying up for taking the test to add Social Studies 6-12 to my license, but I'm not sure if I even qualify to do that yet, but that'd be something, I could even try adding some other things as well (math, science, special ed) that would make me more hireable in the future (even though my license expires in May, I can hopefully renew it another 2 years. I think I should look into that. Like I was saying earlier I'd also like to really get my portfolio nice and ready for the future. I'm thinking maybe next week I'm going to try to start leaving the house Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours after Vinnie gets home to work on some of these things for me.

Well, that's it tonight. Pretty tired. Nighty-night

Hello again

Just decided to chat to myself here. Ok so I really like the name Caroline, i don't think anyone else likes it. I also like the name Emmalin which not too many people like. I like the spelling Emmeline but that is not pronounced the way i like but it is an actual name, i guess you could say. I just feel kinda weird with a sort of "made up" name, but I sounds almost classic to me, but maybe it's just me. Emma is so popular right now though... I wonder what Vinnie thinks? I should probably ask even though he probably thinks I'm crazy.

I think Caroline Elizabeth or Emmalin Elizabeth sound great.

what do you think? Emmalin, Emmaline, Emmeline, Emmalyn, Emalyn, Emmalynn

It kinda worries me that there are so many spellings. That's what makes me lean toward Caroline, but then you have the pronunciation issue, but I don't mind either Caroline and Carolyn, and I would try to make her ok with either so it wouldn't bother her.


Boy names. I think i still love Theodore. Does it sound too snobby? Does Theodore Jack sound funny? I think i could deal with that. Ok, I guess I"m done being nuts...

Better update

So, I think Vinnie is trying to change posts, but does he tell me anything? Nope, I find out while he's on the phone with one of his old soldiers, but oh well, I'm not gonna start planning for life in GA quite yet. I love it here in Washington and if you could transplant my family here I would stay forever, but it's just too far from home for me. I just want the option of driving home one a weekend if I really wanted/needed to.

I guess I don't have much of an update besides I am trying to get involved in the FRG, maybe co-leader, the leader chick has it together so I don't think I'd really have to do much but it'd give me something to do. I suppose I could even put it on a resume if I really wanted to, try to make it relevant to whatever.

So, yeah, I guess I don't have much to update with. Oh I met some ladies at the park yesterday, it was nice talking to adults for once, so maybe doing a playgroup would be alright, but only if it's within walking distance to my house and I can leave whenever I want...maybe that's too much to ask. well, maybe I'll just have playdates with whoever is at the park. Alrighty.

Oh I got my Montessori book the other day and read it cover to cover in less than a day, it was really good, I recommend it. I don't agree with everything, but I like a lot of what they say.

Still thinking about names, but in a more relaxed way than before because we already have "names" in case I don't come up with something better, so it's much better now.

Girls
Emmaline Elizabeth?
Elizabeth Lillian?
Caroline Elizabeth?
Emmalin/Emmalyn Elizabeth?
hmmm

Boys
Theodore Jack
John Henry "Jack"
Drawing a blank...