This whole thing just drives me crazy. I know I don't want to work full time, at least not now while Abigail is little and I don't have to. But I know that I need something outside the house that is my own. A part-time job makes sense, but then I'd also have to put Abigail in daycare and I'd be committed (even if it's part time) and not be able to really work around the crazy Army schedule or visitors coming to town or trips home. What I'd really like to do is volunteer in a classroom, but I cannot justify putting Abigail in daycare a couple hours a day or week and not making any money to pay for it. I wish I were home sometimes, then I'd have grandma for those kind of things, I WOULD NEVER use my mom or Vinnie's mom as a permanent babysitter, but for a couple hours every now and then, I think that would be ok.
I get so stressed sometimes because sometimes it seems like we'll be in this army thing for 20 years and other times we are getting out tomorrow. I need to know what the plan is. If Vinnie gets out we should put off having a baby because we won't know what we'll be doing, I don't want to HAVE to work full time with a newborn.
But anyway, I need something, something to make me, me and some interaction and smart conversations with adults. I miss college so much. I could go back to school, but if I increase my education it actually lessens my chance of getting a teaching job, unless I were to go for a PHD and be a professor, which is what I ultimately want. One idea I had was studying up for taking the test to add Social Studies 6-12 to my license, but I'm not sure if I even qualify to do that yet, but that'd be something, I could even try adding some other things as well (math, science, special ed) that would make me more hireable in the future (even though my license expires in May, I can hopefully renew it another 2 years. I think I should look into that. Like I was saying earlier I'd also like to really get my portfolio nice and ready for the future. I'm thinking maybe next week I'm going to try to start leaving the house Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours after Vinnie gets home to work on some of these things for me.
Well, that's it tonight. Pretty tired. Nighty-night