So, I really think I want to be home. I just miss it so much. There are so many reasons, but I will only talk about a few right now. Everyone knows I am a homebody, I mean most people love their families, obviously, but I actually enjoy being around them all the time. That is why I went home during deployment. I was the child growing up who told her mom that she was going to live across the street when she grew up and now I am the ONLY one that doesn't live close to home, it's craziness. Yes, my brother was in the military for 14 years, so he was gone for quite awhile, my sister went to college and lived in California for a little while, but now they are all back home and I am so jealous. I want Abigail to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I miss my grandparents, I know I am running out of time with them, I hate being so far from home and them not getting to know Abigail and not having memories of Abigail with them. I miss having friends. Yes, I know a couple people here, are they friends? I don't know, would I call them if I needed something? Would they visit me in the hospital? Would they go see a movie with me, I don't know. They don't really know me and there just isn't enough time to get to know someone that you only see every once in awhile. I miss my friends at home, no I don't have a lot of friends, but I have a couple really great friends and I miss them. Do I hang out with them everyday? Nope, but I know if I needed them they'd be there in an instant, I miss that. A lot of people I know have or are having babies now so we could get together with or without the kids and we'd have something in common. I just want my own house. It's hard to feel like I'm home when this isn't really my home and I don't know where I'll be next. I know home is where the heart is and I love Vinnie and Abigail, but a large part of my heart is back home. I need my mom. I need her guidance and advice. All of her kids turned out awesome and I want to know how she did it! Also, I want to know my nieces, nephews, etc. My nieces don't even know who I am anymore and that sucks. They would never want to hang out with me because I am practically a stranger to them and I haven't even met my newest niece who was born in September. Well, that's my vent for now....
If we went home, I would get a job if I had to, no guarantee that I'd find one, but I'd do something, if I have to work at McDonald's I will. At least at home I have more references and more of a chance at finding something.
I don't know what Vinnie would do for work, I'm sure he could figure it out. He could get something temporarily while he's looking for something better, you know, don't wait out for the big kahuna, just take what you can get and then keep looking.
I know this won't happen, and if it does it won't happen for a long time, it's too scary to get out of the military and dive into the unknown, but we could make it work. We have the support of our families and could stay with them if we had to, we only have to be able to pay our non house related bills.
Ok, I really am done now.. byebye :)