Monday, March 7, 2011

The weekend, and me crazy as usual

So the weekend is over, but I don't even know why I even look forward to weekends, it's all the same to me, except Vinnie is usually here. I did ask Vinnie to get Abigail Saturday morning and he must have been in a good mood because he did it! Yay! I got one morning off! I got up once I heard that she was done eating, so I didn't stay in bed too long, but it was nice. we didn't do much, just hung out, went to the mall and did a little shopping but that was about it. Abigail is so off and on you just never know how she will be, she was a crazy person yesterday, I think someone is acting 2 way too early. I don't know how I'm going to handle it, I can see why parents just give in to whatever the kid wants because you gotta get the shopping done and it can't be done with a screaming, throwing, climbing out of the cart and running all over the place toddler, so what are you supposed to do? You can't give them rules, they don't even know how to talk! I'm so lost. Sometimes I am pretty certain that we should not have another baby for awhile, I honestly wouldn't know what to do.

Anyway, I'm back to being crazy, I just wish I could figure out what I want. It's funny because I was ready back in my journal from 2007 and I was talking the exact same way, It's like I have never known what I want to do with my life, I just want to figure it out. I tried talking to Vinnie last night about future stuff. He said he doesn't like it in the Army and wants to get out, but that it just isn't a good time. I hate knowing that he doesn't like what he does, but what can I do about it? I even started making him a resume so he can give it to my dad who said he could run it through at work (he works at a steel mill) I know that's not Vinnie's dream job, but it'd be something. I think sometimes he thinks we couldn't live on anything less than he makes, but I think we could figure it out.

I also am still so totally torn on whether or not I should ever work. I think the longer I stay home the more I kinda lose my motivation to work, even at home. I just feel lazy all the time. I don't know what to do with myself.

Well, next month I will be home. I'm not excited for the flight, but couldn't be more excited to go home, I can't wait. Although, I have no idea how I will get to the airport... Sometimes I am brutally reminded that I have no friends. I have been trying to find someone to watch Abigail for my dentist appointment this week, but it looks like I have no one, so I have to cancel, I don't even feel like rescheduling because it is just so annoying, plus I need like 3 more appointments after that so it will never end. I know I need to get the work done before if/when I ever get pregnant, but I just don't feel like it anymore, it'd be so much easier if I had friends around to help out with stuff like this.

I have a feeling after I visit home I am going to want to move back home, Abigail will get to play with her cousins and see her grandparents, it's going to be hard to accept that is not the life we are meant for right now. I tell myself that things will work themselves out, but it is really stressful. Sometimes I think I should just start looking for a job at home and then if I get one move back and when Vinnie is done he can join us, that's what Army wives have to do all the time right? That sounds harsh, but I just thought I'd put it out there.

I think Vinnie thinks I'm lazy, or have gotten really lazy or something. I'm not sure what he thinks I do all day, probably just watch TV and play on the computer, I do, but just to keep my sanity. I clean at least 20 times a day, I fight with Abigail any time I try to get anything done because she wants to play on or with everything (dishwasher, washer/dryer, toilet, bathtub, trashcan, etc) so it's very hard to get things done, but I always get it done eventually, even with the multiple tantrums. Well, I guess I'll go, I need to get some work done. Have a nice week.

No comments:

Post a Comment