Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I drive myself crazy!

I am starting to get annoyed with myself. Why is it that I have no clue what I want? I keep changing my mind, sometimes I get really pumped up about something and less than 24 hours later I'm completely over it. So I was all excited about maybe teaching upper grade 4-6, then I was all pumped for Kindergarten, then yesterday I said screw it all I want to teach little guys, pre-K and was seriously really excited about the possibility. But now, I'm like, man I really don't think I want to teach little guys... do I even have the personality? I don't know, I've worked with Kindergarten before and they seemed to like me, but who knows. Maybe I should have just stuck with my original plan and gone the high school teacher route...I changed to el ed after my sophomore year bc I didn't feel old enough to teach high schoolers and I was about to start my field experience in the next semester.
My 5th graders, I had already phased out by this time, but I miss them :( They are 7th graders now!
Below is the word wall from my 3rd grade class. I miss them too! They are 6th graders! Now I'd really like to be a college prof, but I kinda screwed myself with an el ed major, because I would not want a masters in el ed or anything related to education, I would want a PHD in history, BUT it might be impossible to find a program that will take me as an el ed major, the only math I had was 3 semesters of "teacher math" which actually was kinda hard even if i got A+ s in the classes, other people failed so... and my science classes were hard and normal science classes but I'm probably screwed because they are for "Elementary teachers" great...waste of time, wanna know what the difference is? You write a freakin unit plan in an el ed biology or physics class and you learn how to TEACH that craziness to others, I feel like it was probably harder than a normal class, but what can you do. Also, no foreign language was required, even though I took some, but I am in no way fluent, and to get into grad school for history you have to be able to read and write in a foreign language...sigh...

Anyway, that was a tangent. Basically I have no clue. Maybe I should just try to be the best wife and mom I can be and just leave it at that. For some reason, it just doesn't feel right, or it just doesn't feel like what I am supposed to do... it just wasn't where I saw myself, I know life changes your plans and you can't control everything.

Every day that goes by I feel like I'm losing my teaching mojo. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I freakin rule, I mean I am the shiz, at least I was, ideas and things i learned are becoming harder to remember and I'm already starting to feel out of date when I used to be ahead of the game (being that IU is a research school so we always had the latest teaching theories). ugh, well, this post is going nowhere. I think I'm done, I quit, I'll just be goody good-wife and maybe an FRG leader (yeah, I was "offered" it and I know nothing about it)- imagine me all FRG leader like...haha, I don't have the social skills for that one. OK i'm done, nighty night

1 comment:

  1. Don't give up. Keep searching for a Masters program in History that will accept you if that's what you want! I would recommend getting into some form of teaching if you're concerned with losing your skills. At least you can stay fresh and on top of things, even if it's not in the grade level that you would prefer.

    We all have our goals for life, and things come and go that change those goals. I suppose we can just take things as they come and adjust with them. If that means being an FRG leader, definitely go take the classes! They will help tremendously! :) I, for one, have no interest being an FRG leader, but I think it's in my future once James makes more rank.

    Ultimately, don't stress it. It'll all work out. At this point, I have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with myself. So many changes keep happening that affect things. I don't know at this point if I want to pursue a Masters in Counseling, but maybe a program with photography? Or maybe nothing? At this point, I think I'd be content if I didn't leave the house for another year....ok, maybe two years. :)