ugh, So maybe I wasted money, but maybe I finally have decided. I don't want to go to work. I just don't think I can right now, I have to wait until Abigail is older. I know I will probably try for more little ones, and if that happens, that'd be great, maybe I'll never teach, which is kind of sad, but oh well. I think I should take advantage of being able to stay home. I just don't think I could put Abigail in daycare knowing that I had a choice, she doesn't HAVE to go. Ugh, I know, I am dumb for thinking I could do it, maybe if I would have more time to prepare, like make sure I had a place for Abigail to go and let her get used to it, etc. but I wouldn't have that if I got a job. I almost thought about applying for a teacher aide at a school on post, but really, I just don't think I want to do that. I still might volunteer, but again, I don't really trust the on post day care, I don't know why, but when I went there to register it just seemed like a mad house. Well, it's almost 2:30 am now, I really need to get some sleep, but obviously this had been on my mind. I just have to tell myself things will all work out. I just hate to but myself at a disadvantage in the future, but I'm hoping one day, if I'm back at home or near home my sis will still be teaching and can get me a job...who knows...I just would hate to lose my connections, and my references will forget me and my letters of rec will be out of date and...oh geez, here I go again! Why can't I just live in the present!