Getting Started

So, I joined a Montessori at Home group on BabyCenter and it has been really helpful so far. They have recommended the book How To Raise An Amazing Child the Montessori Way

So I'm thinking about ordering this book soon to kinda get me started. I don't think I will go hardcore Montessori, because to be honest, it's a little hippie, it was developed a long freakin time ago and I know they have adapted some things, but some of it isn't for me, but I am a believer of mixing what works best for you together as long as it's not conflicting.

I got this for Abigail today (along with a potty and electric toothbrush! we aren't potty training yet, but I'd like her to get to used to seeing and sitting on the potty and if she acts ready we might see, but I have no real intention of doing it until she's ready) Anyway, got this for Abigail: I'm excited to see if she plays with it tomorrow!


I need to get maybe two more bookshelves for Abigail. I'd like to have an official music center shelf, one for books, and one for language/sensory/math skills. Here are some things I'd like to get. I think Vinnie or I could actually make some of this ourselves:

Diving in

So, i think I'm going to try to take on this Montessori thing. The more I read the more I like. Now I don't think I'm 100% on it, some of it is "eh" but I like the general idea. Now I just need to find space and where to start! I guess I sorta started. I got Abigail a bookshelf going now for her books and today we made musical instruments (water bottles with pasta inside) she really enjoyed that. Now, I just need to keep figuring out what I want to do. There's a great group on babycenter and I have found a lot of blogs and website to help. I will try to keep you updates on my progress.

Oh and I made dinner again! My own sloppy joes! No manwich! I took a picture and I'll try to post later! Nighty night!

Today

So I weighed myself: 134.7lbs up from 125 (goal range 123-127) Not too bad, but obviously not good. I was going to track today, but of course, we have ice cream, so I ate it. but here is what I've has so far.

1/2 cup oatmeal, 1/2 banana ~4pts
2 diet Coke's~0pts
Healthy Choice meal ~6 pts


Lots of ice cream probably like 15 points!

Shoot I only have like 5 points left today, look like I'll be going way over since I planned on making enchiladas. I need to drink some water too
.
Yeah look at those enchiladas you know you want some. They were delicious. How do you like my sweet pepper salad? See, I tried to do something healthy... Well, I think this meal added up to 20 points (after I ate two more enchiladas..whoops)

Enchilada recipe (I made this up, but I'm sure it's just normal)

• 2 chicken breasts
• 10ish corn tortillas
• taco cheese
• sliced olives (I got the little can)
• green onion
• 2 cans enchilada sauce

1. Cook chicken in crock pot or cook in pan or grill
2. Cut up or shred chicken into small pieces
3. Mix 1/2 can enchilada sauce with chicken
4. Warm tortillas in microwave about 40 seconds (this makes them soft so they don't crack)
5. Fill tortillas with chicken and a little bit of cheese, fold and place fold down in baking dish
6. Cover enchiladas with remaining enchilada sauce, liberal amount of cheese, chopped green onion and olives
7. Place in oven 375 for 20 minutes
   

Oh and a bagel with cream cheese probably a good 8-10 points..whoops again.

So I guess I went like 25 points over, whoops again again... crud, I really need to do better.

Need to get back on track

So, ever since I've gotten back to Washington I got a little loose with my Weight Watchers program. The last thing I want to do is gain that weight all back. I didn't gain any weight back until probably after Hawaii. I've been bad and haven't weight myself in a little while but I can safely assume I'm at least 10 lbs up from my goal weight, which means I'm 7 lbs out of my goal range at least. This is disappointing, but it's my own fault of course, I haven't been tracking, or eating healthy at all. It was so much easier back home because I'm usually have oatmeal for breakfast, healthy choice for lunch and chicken with veggies for dinner. I need to just get back to that. I didn't have the junk food like chips as a temptation back home and I had the accountability of having to weigh in each week. Now, I am not going to lose weight if I find out I am with child, of course, but if it's a no-go this month I am going to try to get back to my goal weight and then start attending WW meetings again... They are free for me if I'm at goal because I am a lifetime member. Even if I do get preggo, it would be a great thing to start eating healthy again. I may even try to post what I'm making for dinner..make this blog a little more exciting.
I got this from another blog and I am going to try to use it to keep myself on track. I am going to weigh myself tomorrow and every Thursday now until...forever.

Track my food. I'm def a 0/10 on this one. I haven't tracked in a long time. GOAL This week I will track on my dry erase board.

Stay within my daily points plus earned activity points. Major 0/10 again. I probably go a good 30-40 points over! haha, I think I get about 30 points, I need to take the quiz again bc I'm unsure, but I am really going to try to stick to it this week. GOAL Stay within 30 points


Check off all of my Good Health Guidelines. 0/10 for tracking, I think I do good most days of getting everything I need, besides water, I really need to do better. GOAL drink water bottle full of water twice daily

Get at least 20 minutes of activity every day. 2/10 I do try to do extra activity whether it's walking to the furthest park with Abigail or going up and down the stairs more times than necessary, but I really need to do more. GOAL begin Tae Bo


Eliminate negative self-talk and focus on success. 0/10 Lately I've been telling myself I can't do it, and it's not worth it, but I know it is. GOAL Write a positive note for myself each day

I'll try to keep this blog updated in regards to my WW progress. I have so many new goals/things I want to get accomplished we shall see. I know I can do it.

My motivation quotes:
"Just Do It"- yep it's from NIKE
"Make It Work"- Tim Gunn
"No Excuses" - I'm sure lot's of people have said this.

Ugh! My Brain!

Ok I have officially concluded that I have no idea what is going on and never will. I cannot plan for anything, anymore!

You have read on here about my constant struggle with deciding to stay home with Abigail. Although I still am searching for something to make me, me, I did decide that staying home with Abigail (and future babies) is best. I have been working on becoming a better more involved mom and am still trying to improve on the housewife role. I finally found peace when Vinnie officially decided that he will stay in the Army for awhile.

Yesterday Vinnie was talking about getting is Masters, preparing for the LSAT so he can apply for FLEP and so I'm thinking, ok we are going to be in this Army life for several more years, just as I thought.

Then tonight he says he will probably get out, not sure when, but that he will look for a job and I will have to get one. OMG! I can't handle this back and forth! It's not like bam I can get a job, it doesn't work that way in the teaching world, unless you go right in after student teaching or get lucky by knowing someone. I missed that chance, I'd have to start over, subbing, hopefully getting a maternity leave and then hopefully get hired on full time. That can take a few years. It's possible to get hired right away but there is no way to know that and with having nothing on the resume since 2008, it's a long-shot. But, I'm done talking about it, because I start to stress about it and then everything changes again, so I'm just gonna stick with the track I'm on.

What I've Been Working On
Ok, so usually I am afraid to spend any money without asking Vinnie because I just feel guilty since I didn't go to work. I'm trying to improve on understanding that I have a very important role in this family. Taking care of Abigail is very important, helping her learn and discover new things, reinforce things, help her understand her feelings, keep her healthy and happy, etc. So I decided to try to change things up a little bit, turn off the TV and really actively play and discover with Abigail. I moved some things around so she now has a bookshelf downstairs, I bought her a few new books today, a couple animal books and another one that she just really liked along with a nursery rhyme book. She loves books and I don't think I could ever deprive her of one, if the girl wants a book, she can have it.

So the next thing I want to get is a pocket schedule, sounds dumb and pointless because i could just write it on a sheet of paper, but I think a pocket chart would be great, then we can just move times and events around as things change as she gets older, and I could always use it in a future class room. I can also include pictures to help her really understand what is going on. It will help create structure and predictability in the day, which children love. It will help her understand concepts of time as well. And, it would make me happy. Dumb as that may sound, it just would, weird stuff like that makes me happy, I'm sorry, it does, I know I can write it on paper, I've done that before, but I know I would love the pocket chart. So, should I get one? I think so, but I should probably ask Vinnie. I also would like to get a pocket calendar. I know, again, sounds dumb, I can just use a regular calendar and maybe she's too young to understand, but I really think she'd enjoy it and learn so much. I actually get excited thinking about it. Yes, I like dumb stuff like that.

I am still working on following FlyLady, I do pretty well with it. I lost track for a little while over the Christmas break, but now I'm back on track, got myself a little dry erase board to write down the daily mission. I would still like to drastically improve on the housewife front, trying to cook more meals, but man it just seems like it causes so much extra work (overtime) because then I got to do all the cleanup and trash related to the meal as well when I'd much rather get some relaxation time in.

Another thing I'm thinking about is taking some time for myself. I'm not sure how Vinnie would feel about it. My thought is maybe Monday and Wednesday 2 hours after Vinnie gets home, maybe I'd cook dinner, maybe not, not sure yet, but I'd like to just go somewhere...bookstore, starbucks, or somewhere else? I'd like to have time to read a book or play around on the computer without Abigail yelling at me or in the wee hours of the night. I'd also like to get caught up with my scrapbook, so that is also something I could do, but I can't really take that with me. I'd also like to work on my teaching portfolio so then I'm not waiting until the last minute to do it. These are things I cannot do during the day and feel guilty doing if Vinnie is home because it just doesn't feel right to be doing all that stuff while I should be spending time with him, but if I was not in the house I could probably actually get things done. I've always been this way. In college, if I had a big project, paper, or test to study for I HAD to get out of the apartment, it was just too distracting being there. I usually went to Qdoba (24 hours Thus-Sat and free internet) or the IMU. I'd stay in those places for HOURS, but it was so relaxing and I didn't feel pressure and always got great work done. It'd be nice to have a night or two off a week, Vinnie feeding and putting Abigail to bed, cleaning up her toys, dishes, trash, etc. So, yeah, I'm thinking about doing that, not sure.

Alrighty, well I'm completely exhausted, as usual so I should go, even though I won't be able to sleep. Goodnight

Parenting style

Well, I'm pretty tired so I'm not going to go into detail, but I ran across a blog today and it seemed to resemble my parenting style pretty close. I didn't know if I had a parenting style but I suppose it's kinda close to Montessori. Here is the blog:
http://jen-peacefulparenting.blogspot.com/

Now somehow this lady has endless room in her house and if I did then I would totally have Abigail's stuff set up like she has hers. Anyway, I don't think I do things exactly like Montessori teaches, but I guess I'm kinda similar in at least what I'd like to be doing. I'd like to have music stations and craft centers, etc for abigail. We just don't have the room. I do let her explore real life items like the bowls and dishtowels and safe cooking utensils. I also don't mind when she explores our extensive movie collection, photo albums, pictures frames, etc. If she goes to play with something I usually ask myself these things: Can it hurt her? Can she break it easily? Usually it's that simple, if the answers are no, then I let her play. Even if she pulls something out of my drawer that might be too small for her to play with on her own, I will usually let her explore while I watch closely. She will usually move on after a few minutes and no fight or crying had to happen. Some parents might take something small like that and turn it into a big deal causing a super tantrum.

I know I'm still developing and figuring out my parental philosophy. I think I'd like to read up on some things and really get a move on, really get into this mom thing. Here are some things I'd like to get for the house. I wish we had a play room, we don't have much room, but I'd love to have an organization system for her toys and books so she can start seeing that everything has a place.


I wish we had more room on the wall where I could hang things at eye level for her. I put up a poster about shapes and she is always looking at it and pointing at the shapes and we talk about them. I think I could find some room but Vinnie would have to get used to the house looking like a classroom. Well, I'm pretty tired.
One thing real quick, I just want to say that the State of the Union address what great. I really liked when he said to people considering getting into teaching that "your country needs you" There were a lot of highlights, but that stuck out for obvious reasons. The Republican response was very mature and well spoken. Political arguments are always going to be there because there just is a genuine difference in opinion on certain key issues. This is why our political party system developed, there isn't anything wrong with that. People just need to stop questioning peoples motives all the time and understand that the other side is doing what they believe is right, they were voted in and can be voted out if people disagree with them, but they love this country and no matter what side you fall on you want the same thing in the end: A prosperous America and the continuation of the American dream. That probably could have been worded better, but like I said I'm freakin tired. I really did like them all sitting together tonight. I think it really sent a powerful message, maybe it was just me. I think they should mix it up in the House and Senate all the time, but I'm sure that won't happen anytime soon. Well here's to the second half of President Obama's first term, I'm looking forward to seeing what he puts forward for education, defense and what cuts he can get through Congress. I think we need a "Dave" moment!

Good Day

So today I decided no TV. This might sound bad but I usually have the TV on all day. Abigail doesn't usually pay attention to it, but lately I noticed that she's starting to, so instead of TV I put it on a music channel that just played classic hits all day and we danced and partied, it was fun.

She didn't take a nap, but that's expected.

I decided to make a trip to a teacher supply store and get a Dr. Seuss alphabet thingy for the wall and I also picked up a poster about shapes. I would have liked to get more but Abigail wasn't having it. I will post pictures later if I remember. I'd like to also get a pocket chart calendar with the weather also (even though it will almost always say rainy). I wish we had a "family room" that we could use as her play room to put all the stuff I want up, but that's alright, I don't mind making our little dining area into a play area.

I'm dead tired and not able to sleep again tonight, but at least I had a good day. Still really excited that I have possible names for future babies (God willing)

Theodore Jack
Elizabeth Lillian

So Excited!!!!!!!!!!!

So, vinnie read my blog and I guess decided that Theodore is a good name!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!! I love it so much, I am so excited! I even compromised and said Jack could be the middle name and if he wanted to call him Jack that is find by me! Vinnie even suggested another nickname TR! That is cute! Aww little Theo! Sweet Teddy Bear! Ted my main man! I am really excited now, I almost want to go buy a little Theodore beanie baby I saw online (from Alvin and the chipmunks) Ok, Well, Abigail has been "napping" for awhile now with no success so I guess I should get her. Really excited!

Theodore Jack!
Elizabeth Lillian!

Switching up my name style?

Maybe I just need to step out of my traditional names box? But I love those names. What I want is this: at least a two-syllable name with a good meaning
(either personal or definition, having both is a major plus), old-fashioned, but not super popular but not WAY out there and it needs to have some eligible nicknames. I think that's it, I'm boxing myself in right? So i've thought about branching out, but I'm unsure. I will look a little more but here are some of my branching out names:

My List: mostly meets criteria

Elijah (Eli) "The Lord is My God" - My all time favorite name
William (Will, Liam) I just like it for some reason Liam means "Strong willed warrior" but I think it's way to trendy for me
Benjamin (Ben) "Son of My Right Hand" My great grandfathers name, I just love the name Ben for some reason
Theodore (Theo, Ted, Teddy) "Gift from God" only personal meaning is that my sis suggested it, but I love that it comes with a lot of options

stepping out of the box list: Don't know if I'd actually name any of my children these names, but I'm trying to keep an open mind.

(These names have no personal meaning)

• Carson :son of the marsh dwellers or son of carr, I don't really see any nicknames here
• Carter: One who transports goods, I just like this name for some reason
• Calvin: Little bald one, yeah, that's what it means. I really like this name would be tops on my list without the unfortunate meaning, love the nickname Cal (it would almost be a combo of mine and vinnie's name)
• Henry: ruler of the home, nicknames include Hank and Harry, eh
  
• Louis: famed warrior, I like this name for some reason, not sure why
  
• Miles: soldier, I like this name but it seems like it's for a little kid, no real nicknames and i say the name kinda funny
• Nathan: God has given, i like the nickname Nate
  
• Isaac: Laughing one, i like this name too, no real good nicknames
  
• Landon: long hill, Kinda popular but I like it, nicknames?
  
• Owen: young warrior, nicknames?
  
• Leland: meadow land, I like the nickname Lee a lot
  
• Reece: enthusiasm, i like this name, but I know my brother and dad would comment on it being a wrestler we know from high school
  
• Marshall: keeper of the horses, I kinda like this name from How I met Your Mother, nicknames?
  
• Warren: Defender, nicknames?
  
• Cael: slender, I just like this for some reason
  

Names with "some" personal meaning
George: farmer, my grandpa's name, his dad's name and up and up, unfortunately it didn't get passed down to his son and his son did not pass it down to his son so it kinda died there. I don't know how my mom would feel about it since she wasn't very close to her dad. But I met a little George about abigail's age and he was so cute, it is the perfect name for a little boy even though you wouldn't think so (i didn't) but no one ever forgot his name, not weird but not that common
Benjamin: see above
Andrew: Manly, I don't really like the name andrew, but I do like Drew, this is Pres. jackson's first name
John: god is gracious, formal version of Jack
Walter: Powerful warrier, Walter payton's name, worried he might get made fun of (Walt Disney)
Bennett: little blessed one, still has nickname Ben and similar to Benjamin


Wow it's like 2 am now, i need to sleep, hopefully I can stop thinking about names. Please give your opinion!

Names...

Finally got the hubs to talk baby names again. Of course he thinks I'm weird that I think about names all the time...oh well. So, Theodore seems like it's officially out. He likes it, but he says not enough for a first name. I'm kinda crushed. I had to give up Eli and now Theo.. :( not cool. Seem like the only name we agree on is Alexander, and I'm not a huge fan of the name, but I suppose it's better than Jack, but Jack had some meaning with it and Alexander doesn't. I don't like any of the nn for Alexander and so I'd embarass the kid by always calling him by his full name or get the eye rolls from parents who think that I think I'm high class so my kid needs a fancy long name. If Jack wasn't so super popular and didn't come with unfortunate teasing possibilities I'd probably like it much more. Sometimes I think I should just cave and make Vinnie happy. I went back to the drawing board and finally found a new name that gave me the same feeling as Eli and now it's a no go. I guess it's back again. It's just so annoying because we had the perfect name..Little Eli, but Vinnie reaffirmed that it wouldn't be a good idea to name one of our kids Eli bc he'd always be #2 on his side... sigh.

Oh and teeth. I'm pretty tired so I don't want to get into it but my teeth got all screwy bc of pregnancy and so I need 11 fillings which the dentist says i can't get metal ones and so I gotta pay 120 bucks a piece for them. Yeah, right! Oh and she doesn't want to put a crown on my root canal bc she said it was a sucky job and it's gonna break so she eventually would need to pull it and put in a replacement (or whatever they do), yeah ok and she said I need my wisdom teeth out even though there is nothing wrong with them. sigh again. I gotta get it figured out, looks like i'll be on the phone a lot on Monday.

UPDATE ON NAMES

Possible solution? Probably can't get Vinnie to buy into it but maybe, maybe we could name a future son Eli bc to my family he is the only Eli and I will talk to Vinnie's side and let them know that he isn't to be called "Vinnie's Eli" or Eli #2 or really baby Eli passed the newborn stage, instead if you need to specify you are talking about "our" Eli you use the middle name, which hopefully would be Christopher. This should make it clear since Eli Kenneth is named after his grandpa. I think I could handle that. Really we NEVER see them, ever, they live in Hawaii for pete's sake. we just happened to hang out with them when we went there. Yes, Vinnie's side will probably give us grief for a little bit, but if I have to I will give them a talking to. Of course out of respect I will probably ask Heather if she would mind if we used Eli. We could possibly go with Elijah too if need be. Opinions?

More Name Debate..with myself!

So, Vinnie is in the field this week so I'm trying to keep myself busy, with what else? Baby names!

Ok, so as i've said our original baby name was Eli, and it's taken so I know I should just get over it and move on..sigh. Our second boy name was Alexander. I like that name, I do. I like the meaning also. I'm not big on the name Alex, but I don't really like Abby either so I guess that doesn't matter. I'd be a little concerned about popularity, it is a pretty popular name, but it's a classic, so it's not a trendy popular, if you know what I mean (Brayden, Jayden, Brody) no offense to anyone with those names, to each their own, just not my style. Anyway, I'm thinking I'll keep Alexander in my back pocket if I can't get Vinnie away from Jack. I want Theodore, he wants Jack, so we can compromise on Alexander? Sounds like a game plan. He likes Theo too, so I don't see why he won't budge and just accept it. Also, I see Theo as a dark haired boy, I can't imagine a blond Theodore or Theo. I almost though about making a hair color deal, blond hair Jack or Alexander, Dark hair Theo... but that only gives me 50/50 chance and Abigail is blond.

I love the name Theodore, I do worry a little because it's kinda risky, some people will hate it I know. I think Theo is a good name that can grow old, but maybe that's just me. If Brayden and Brody can grow old so can Theo. I used to think the same way about Ashley and such, can't imagine a grandma Ashley, but when those girls get that old it probably won't seem weird anymore.

Wow, I just heard the funniest thing. It's a recording of LBJ ordering pants, he was taking about how the crotch area is always too tight that he gets cut down there and how he needs more room from the zipper to under his bunghole (his words, no joke) hilarious.

Oh and My sister's fiance looks very similar to Mike Isabella from Top Chef, look at these pics and see if you think so too, granted, Josh is nicely groomed in the engagement photo, if his hair wasn't all smooth i think they'd be twins. I tried to find another pic but he's always wearing a hat.

Names again...

So I kinda brought up Theodore the other night. Apparently Vinnie likes it but he is unwilling to consider any baby name other than Jack, sigh, what am I to do? Hope for a girl? haha, I'd like to have a boy someday though... I feel like I've given him so many reasons that Jack isn't good enough, but he doesn't care. He will literally just say Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack over and over and over again until I stop talking about it. I mean, it's not bad, it isn't, but it's not my kind of name, it's really plain and short and common, even trendy right now. If I LOVED the name non of those things would bother me, but I don't love it, I just like it. so, blah.

So, we probably aren't going to get anywhere with names, he has no desire to compromise even though I searched and searched and searched for more names that I thought we could both agree on, found one (theodore) and still nothing. I guess I am just out of luck. Alrighty, gonna go. Byebye!

Maybe a change?

so, Vinnie has been looking into changing duty stations since we've been here over 2 years. He got an email with possible other locations from his branch manager. We were kinda excited to see Camp Atterbury on the list. It is just south of Indy, talk about close to home! But is that too close? I kinda feel like if I'm gonna have to live far from home it might as well be somewhere somewhat cool, southern Indiana doesn't meet that criteria. Others on the list include Ft. Benning (12-13 hrs from home) Fort Jackson (13 hrs) Fort Dix (13 hrs) and some others as well. I don't know much about any of hose bases but Benning. I wouldn't mind going there. I've heard nice things about Jackson and Dix is so close to so many awesome places on the east coast that I want to see/visit so badly (philly, boston, NY, D.C) So, yep, that's what's up. any opinions out there?

Feeling better

So, I apologize for my last couple crazy person posts. I swear my life isn't horrible and I love my husband and daughter! They are great!

I just have bad days every now and then. I just need to get out of the house because when I don't for a few weeks I start to go a little nutty. Anyway, things are better. Went to Davids and got the bridesmaids dress for my sisters wedding. I love the dress but not a super fan of the color....fern. I just wish it was a different color because I would def use it for balls and such.

So, at least I got out of the house. Looks like the hubs has a 4 day weekend, thank you MLK, I'll be sure to make them days on not off (they used to say that at IU)

still haven't really talked names with Vinnie in awhile, probably wait until there is at least potential for a baby to be born, right now there is nothing. We shall see, ok,, pretty tired, nighty night.

tonight sucks

I just feel so terrible tonight. I seriously do not like myself anymore, I've been really depressed for awhile but I seem to dig my way out somehow but I find myself back everytime. I hate it. I know I should get help or something, but I'm not sure what that would do anyway, just cause more of a headache.

Who am I?

Well, I think i might try to start doing some soul searching and try to figure out who I really am. There are a lot of things I try to be, who am I really?

People might be surprised to know that I've conducted probably over 100 meetings for the American Legion Auxiliary using parliamentary procedure. People might be surprised that I have given speeches in front of as many as 800-900 people written by myself. People might also be surprised to know I have performed solo and with a small ensemble on stage for hundreds of people and also acted in a Children's Play. I know people at my high school were surprised to find some of these things out when I talked to a class about Girls' State my senior year.

I have always considered myself outgoing, mostly because of some of the previous things I have listed, I have put myself out there MANY times and always had great success. I just don't know if that's me. I am not a socialite, I may try to be but I am not. I don't like parties or people really lol.

I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, why? Because I love school. I mean I really do and I thought what would be better than being in school forever? I fell in love with a passion for World History my sophomore year in high school and that is when I decided I wanted to be a high school history teacher. At the time, I didn't feel like I really had it in me to stand up in front of high schoolers, but I figured that would come in time. So I started college in pursuit of a degree in secondary ed social studies.

I did two years of course work towards this degree, including many history and poly sci classes. Freshman year I had, H105, American History I and OMG I fell hard for it. I never enjoyed American history before, didn't give two poops about it, but something about that class made me love it. Then I decided I would concentrate on American History and try to spread the passion to my future students that I was feeling. during sophomore year I was starting to get worried. Field experiences were going to begin next year and I definitely didn't feel ready to teach in front of high schoolers and command any respect. I was 19 going on 20. So, after a year of thinking about it, I switched to El Ed. I figured I can still teach social studies in elementary school. Even though I loved my coursework and my classes of kids and student teaching, I just don't know if it's for me and that I made a big mistake.

I wish I would have majored in history, because what I really want is to be a college professor in history. I feel like I've inhibited myself by getting a BS in El Ed because it doesn't translate well to grad school in any area except education. I love teaching the little guys, but honestly, it really is WAY too much work! haha I mean for real, you can't leave your work at work especially with my personality, teaching elementary just doesn't mesh. I stayed up every night until at least 12 or 1 grading and planning, it never ends, there is always something to do. Yes, there is still planning and grading with high school and college but it's nothing like elementary. In elementary you have to behavior plan EVERY THING! I could go into details, but it's too much stuff.

College teaching would be so great, the kids for the most part are choosing to be there and you don't have to deal with parents and you don't have to worry about individualized learning plans or all that other craziness that goes on in elementary.

I wonder if I can add high school social studies to my license. I think I can. Would it be a good idea to maybe start working toward a PHD? I don't know, why not? a class or two at a time. I just don't know.

I love being home with Abigail, but I know I'm not meant to be a SAHM, but I'm doing it and that's what I'm going to do for now. I can stay home, so I should. Well, I hope my college wasn't a waste of time, I don't think so, but who knows. I want to find what I'm meant to do. I think I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of person. I guess I shouldn't worry about my college major since I have heard of plenty of people who are doing something they love that is no where near what they went to college for.
Also, I have thought about nursing. But, I think if i went into nursing I'd be in the same place I am now.
I just want to have my own identity. Yes, I'm a mom and a wife, but why just define myself through other people? hmm, well, I'll try to figure it out!

Thanks for listening to my craziness!

I know it's my own fault

So, I named this post the way I did because I think i'm gonna do a lot of whining and yes I know I could fix everything and it's my own fault. Anyway, so I love hanging out with Abigail everyday, I mean, she's tons of fun. I just feel like my whole life is waiting until 7pm so I can finally relax and then, oh yeah, I need to figure out something for dinner and then maybe we will watch a show while I am usually cleaning up dishes and kitchen after dinner and also cleaning up after hurricane Abigail, it's 9pm and Vinnie needs to go to bed so I didn't really get to just relax on the couch and watch some TV with the hubs.

So it's bedtime, Vinnie falls asleep in about 2 seconds and I'm stuck alone with nothing to do. I watch whatever crappy shows are on, maybe read part of a book but I'm completely exhausted and can't really focus, yet I can't fall asleep either. I usually get a up a few times and get a glass of milk. I get really hot and then really cold in bed, my neck hurts because of my stupid hair and can't get comfy at all in bed.
Then Vinnie's alarm goes off, he says bye bye and usually then I am able to sleep until my alarm (Abigail) goes off and we start again. My day consists of fighting with her over food and whether or not I should take the high chair down so she can play on it. Keeping her off the baby gate and stove, and keeping her from slamming her head on the table. Then she starts escaping out the doggie door so I had to duct tape it closed and remember to let Hoosier out. She starts to get tired so we do our naptime routine and I lay her down but she won't sleep. I make her stay up there for at least an hour anyway and in that time I try to eat some lunch and play around online. Then I have to go get her, I usually forget that I still am wearing what I wore to bed. Then about 2 hours later she is tired again and getting really crabby, so again we try to napptime routine. I swear my day consists of trying to get her to sleep, it drives me crazy. If she does nap she will wake up crazy and confused bc it will be dark out and she cries forever when I bring her downstairs so I have to whip out all my tricks of consoling her. Sometime in there she eats lunch and I gotta clean up her giant mess. Then I remember I am still in my clothes from last night and I really don't want to change but I realize Vinnie will be home in a couple hours and I probably should.
Yes my major milestone in the day is getting dressed. What an exciting life. I don't know what to do about it, I love being a mom, not sure if I was meant to be a SAHM, but who knows. I want to love it, I want to want to cook dinner and clean. It just sounds so terrible to me! It doesn't help that Vinnie always says he wishes he could stay home. Yeah, it'd be fun for a week, maybe even a month or too, but it gets real old real fast, like groundhog day or something. There are no vacations or days off EVER! Sometimes I just want to sleep until 12 or 1 but I don't have that choice it's always on me.

anyway, I love my husband and my baby more than anything in the whole world. they are wonderful! I just wish I didn't feel so crappy all the time and that I would actually be happy. I'm not sure how to make that happen, i think the last thing I'd want is a play group, parents and kids no thank you. I'm not sure. I really think i need to go to a gym, but you see how far that has gotten in the last 2 months...no where.

OT I have a dentist appt on the 21st, figured I need to get in there before a possible baby on board, my teeth are so f-ing sensitive I have to drink everything with a straw and can't eat anything cold. Sucks.

Oh and in case you were wondering Vinnie and I haven't really talked about Theodore yet, but I accidentally sent him a text about the name that was supposed to go to my sister and he just asked me about it, he didn't seem to hate it, but I was too scared to ask the big question. He brought up Jack in his usual casual way last night and I just said that i don't think there will be a baby Jack and he didn't say anything, so who knows. I feel bad that I have vetoed him. Anyway the names:

Elizabeth Lillian
Theodore Benjamin, Theodore Kevin, Theodore Christopher

Update on Best Name Ever!!!!!!!!!!!

So I got a response for my sister and she WAS recommending a name for me! haha YES! I'm so excited. Now comes the task of trying to get Vinnie to like it. He didn't give a nasty response when I mentioned it last night. Any tips?

Little Theo!!!!!!!!!!!
My teddy bear!
:)

Ahh I love a name!

So I've been up all night really pumped about a boys name. I know it's not everyones style and that's fine but I love it. Ok what is it you ask? Drum roll.........

THEODORE "Theo" for short

I love it! It means gift from God! How perfect! Only one problemo. Guess where I got it? My sister. She is thinking about trying for a baby in a few months so we've been sharing baby names back and forth and last night she said Theo and I fell hard for it and it's not mine! What to do? Maybe her sig nif will veto it? Maybe she was actually suggesting it to me and not saying it as her choice? The email was a little vague. Hmm I'm holding out hope. I havent felt thus excited about a boys name since Eli!

More name issues

Yes I'm crazy, yes i realize it. Anyway. I really don't think I will find a name I like better than Eli. I mean I love it, always have, it was going to be Abigail's name if she were a boy even though Vinnie's cousin's son was already born. He is 3 now, I believe. I mean, they live in Hawaii, you would think they aren't close but they kinda are, I mean we even hung out with them when we were on vacation, just made me love the name more. What to do what to do. I think I would regret it if I didn't name my boy Eli, but I also don't want him known as "the second Eli, or Eli #2 or Vinnie's Eli" My brother named his daughter Katherine and i guess he purposely spelled it differently to make sure I knew she wasn't named after me..anyway..She goes by Katy and everyone calls her baby Katy so people know they aren't referring to me. We never even see that sweet little girl and yet she comes up in convo alot. How long will she be known as baby Katy? She is like 6 now! I wouldn't mind baby Eli, but he can't be baby Eli forever. Do you think I could convince Vinnie? Do you think it would bother me?

I love it :)

Eli Christopher
Eli Benjamin

Coupon lady...me?

So, tonight Vinnie and I were watching extreme couponing on TLC and now we are convinced we should become coupon people. I mean we never use coupons ever. The last guy was a little overboard but the one lady just bought regular food at safeway which was about $600 and she paid about $3, 4 carts of food. It was awesome. So, I'm signing up for all these sites and I guess I need to get the Sunday paper and we will start with that, I know I won't be an expert right away but maybe after awhile I can be. I need a hobby so maybe this could be it?

On the names front, still clueless, really like Elizabeth Lillian and still not sure on Jack. I realize now that the only boy name I like that isn't connected to family is Eli. I really wish Vinnie's cousin didn't steal it :(

Possibly a girls' name?

So, last night, I got Vinnie to talk baby names! Yay my most favorite subject! Anyway, we semi-decided on Elizabeth Lillian. I'm still considering Lillian Elizabeth, or other middle names with Elizabeth, but right now, that's the name, I think :) Like I was saying, I like that Elizabeth offers a lot of room for different nicknames and I think it goes awesome with Abigail, same style of name. The name means, God's promise, or God is my oath (vow) which I like. I know as a kid and adult I like to look up the meaning to my name and if it meant disfigured or something I'd probably be a little upset. Katharine means pure, if any of you are curious. Vinnie loves the name Lillian, I also like it, like I was saying I am worried about being able to say it and not having super confidence in it as a first name, but I think it's great as a middle name. The whole name is kind of a mouthful, but I think that's fine, it's very feminine. Elizabeth Lillian, I think I can go for that.

On the boys front, still at a crossroads, no budge on Jack, not even a possible extension to Jackson which I'm not sure I love but I might :) I like that even though it's sort of popular now he would be unique in that he is named after Andrew Jackson. Hmm, with no budge from Vinnie I'm not sure what to do. I'll have to keep on thinking, something will come.

Names

So, Vinnie suggested the name Lillian yesterday. hmm, I like the nickname Lily, and I think the name would age well, not sure I can say the name good though if that makes any sense, sounds kinda weird when I say it. It's kinda a risky name too, good chance of hating it and a lot of other people hating it so if I don't love it I will always be nervous about it. It is cute though, I'm trying to get it to grow on me, trying to say it over and over, calling Abigail by Lillian, haha. I like the name Elizabeth, just not a fan of the Lizzy, Liz, Lizard Breath, or Beth. I had a little girl in my class with the name Elizabeth and everyone called her Lizzy but i kept calling her Elizabeth, probably embarrassing her, but that is what she put on her papers and I liked it :)She didn't seem to mind, poor girl, probably tortured her. I have several nicknames I would like to try out for Elizabeth. I like Ellie, Ella, Lilibeth :) and from that I get Lily..I know I stretch. Is it bad to have so many names? haha. I call Abigail keiki sometimes (Hawaiin for baby) yes it was her name before we went there. I also call her Abigirl, Aburger and my dad's favorite gail-abby.

Lillian Elizabeth?
Elizabeth Lillian? (I worry just in case of nicknames, Lily Lillian?

Well, that's my most recent name dilemma, any opinions out there?

On the boys front, Vinnie will not budge on Jack, not an inch, tried to throw Jackson into the ring, but I was vetoed. I still am not sure if I like Jackson, but I like having the option of a longer name.