Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Who am I?

Well, I think i might try to start doing some soul searching and try to figure out who I really am. There are a lot of things I try to be, who am I really?

People might be surprised to know that I've conducted probably over 100 meetings for the American Legion Auxiliary using parliamentary procedure. People might be surprised that I have given speeches in front of as many as 800-900 people written by myself. People might also be surprised to know I have performed solo and with a small ensemble on stage for hundreds of people and also acted in a Children's Play. I know people at my high school were surprised to find some of these things out when I talked to a class about Girls' State my senior year.

I have always considered myself outgoing, mostly because of some of the previous things I have listed, I have put myself out there MANY times and always had great success. I just don't know if that's me. I am not a socialite, I may try to be but I am not. I don't like parties or people really lol.

I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, why? Because I love school. I mean I really do and I thought what would be better than being in school forever? I fell in love with a passion for World History my sophomore year in high school and that is when I decided I wanted to be a high school history teacher. At the time, I didn't feel like I really had it in me to stand up in front of high schoolers, but I figured that would come in time. So I started college in pursuit of a degree in secondary ed social studies.

I did two years of course work towards this degree, including many history and poly sci classes. Freshman year I had, H105, American History I and OMG I fell hard for it. I never enjoyed American history before, didn't give two poops about it, but something about that class made me love it. Then I decided I would concentrate on American History and try to spread the passion to my future students that I was feeling. during sophomore year I was starting to get worried. Field experiences were going to begin next year and I definitely didn't feel ready to teach in front of high schoolers and command any respect. I was 19 going on 20. So, after a year of thinking about it, I switched to El Ed. I figured I can still teach social studies in elementary school. Even though I loved my coursework and my classes of kids and student teaching, I just don't know if it's for me and that I made a big mistake.

I wish I would have majored in history, because what I really want is to be a college professor in history. I feel like I've inhibited myself by getting a BS in El Ed because it doesn't translate well to grad school in any area except education. I love teaching the little guys, but honestly, it really is WAY too much work! haha I mean for real, you can't leave your work at work especially with my personality, teaching elementary just doesn't mesh. I stayed up every night until at least 12 or 1 grading and planning, it never ends, there is always something to do. Yes, there is still planning and grading with high school and college but it's nothing like elementary. In elementary you have to behavior plan EVERY THING! I could go into details, but it's too much stuff.

College teaching would be so great, the kids for the most part are choosing to be there and you don't have to deal with parents and you don't have to worry about individualized learning plans or all that other craziness that goes on in elementary.

I wonder if I can add high school social studies to my license. I think I can. Would it be a good idea to maybe start working toward a PHD? I don't know, why not? a class or two at a time. I just don't know.

I love being home with Abigail, but I know I'm not meant to be a SAHM, but I'm doing it and that's what I'm going to do for now. I can stay home, so I should. Well, I hope my college wasn't a waste of time, I don't think so, but who knows. I want to find what I'm meant to do. I think I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of person. I guess I shouldn't worry about my college major since I have heard of plenty of people who are doing something they love that is no where near what they went to college for.
Also, I have thought about nursing. But, I think if i went into nursing I'd be in the same place I am now.
I just want to have my own identity. Yes, I'm a mom and a wife, but why just define myself through other people? hmm, well, I'll try to figure it out!

Thanks for listening to my craziness!

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