Monday, January 10, 2011

I know it's my own fault

So, I named this post the way I did because I think i'm gonna do a lot of whining and yes I know I could fix everything and it's my own fault. Anyway, so I love hanging out with Abigail everyday, I mean, she's tons of fun. I just feel like my whole life is waiting until 7pm so I can finally relax and then, oh yeah, I need to figure out something for dinner and then maybe we will watch a show while I am usually cleaning up dishes and kitchen after dinner and also cleaning up after hurricane Abigail, it's 9pm and Vinnie needs to go to bed so I didn't really get to just relax on the couch and watch some TV with the hubs.

So it's bedtime, Vinnie falls asleep in about 2 seconds and I'm stuck alone with nothing to do. I watch whatever crappy shows are on, maybe read part of a book but I'm completely exhausted and can't really focus, yet I can't fall asleep either. I usually get a up a few times and get a glass of milk. I get really hot and then really cold in bed, my neck hurts because of my stupid hair and can't get comfy at all in bed.
Then Vinnie's alarm goes off, he says bye bye and usually then I am able to sleep until my alarm (Abigail) goes off and we start again. My day consists of fighting with her over food and whether or not I should take the high chair down so she can play on it. Keeping her off the baby gate and stove, and keeping her from slamming her head on the table. Then she starts escaping out the doggie door so I had to duct tape it closed and remember to let Hoosier out. She starts to get tired so we do our naptime routine and I lay her down but she won't sleep. I make her stay up there for at least an hour anyway and in that time I try to eat some lunch and play around online. Then I have to go get her, I usually forget that I still am wearing what I wore to bed. Then about 2 hours later she is tired again and getting really crabby, so again we try to napptime routine. I swear my day consists of trying to get her to sleep, it drives me crazy. If she does nap she will wake up crazy and confused bc it will be dark out and she cries forever when I bring her downstairs so I have to whip out all my tricks of consoling her. Sometime in there she eats lunch and I gotta clean up her giant mess. Then I remember I am still in my clothes from last night and I really don't want to change but I realize Vinnie will be home in a couple hours and I probably should.
Yes my major milestone in the day is getting dressed. What an exciting life. I don't know what to do about it, I love being a mom, not sure if I was meant to be a SAHM, but who knows. I want to love it, I want to want to cook dinner and clean. It just sounds so terrible to me! It doesn't help that Vinnie always says he wishes he could stay home. Yeah, it'd be fun for a week, maybe even a month or too, but it gets real old real fast, like groundhog day or something. There are no vacations or days off EVER! Sometimes I just want to sleep until 12 or 1 but I don't have that choice it's always on me.

anyway, I love my husband and my baby more than anything in the whole world. they are wonderful! I just wish I didn't feel so crappy all the time and that I would actually be happy. I'm not sure how to make that happen, i think the last thing I'd want is a play group, parents and kids no thank you. I'm not sure. I really think i need to go to a gym, but you see how far that has gotten in the last 2 where.

OT I have a dentist appt on the 21st, figured I need to get in there before a possible baby on board, my teeth are so f-ing sensitive I have to drink everything with a straw and can't eat anything cold. Sucks.

Oh and in case you were wondering Vinnie and I haven't really talked about Theodore yet, but I accidentally sent him a text about the name that was supposed to go to my sister and he just asked me about it, he didn't seem to hate it, but I was too scared to ask the big question. He brought up Jack in his usual casual way last night and I just said that i don't think there will be a baby Jack and he didn't say anything, so who knows. I feel bad that I have vetoed him. Anyway the names:

Elizabeth Lillian
Theodore Benjamin, Theodore Kevin, Theodore Christopher

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