Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Ugh! My Brain!

Ok I have officially concluded that I have no idea what is going on and never will. I cannot plan for anything, anymore!

You have read on here about my constant struggle with deciding to stay home with Abigail. Although I still am searching for something to make me, me, I did decide that staying home with Abigail (and future babies) is best. I have been working on becoming a better more involved mom and am still trying to improve on the housewife role. I finally found peace when Vinnie officially decided that he will stay in the Army for awhile.

Yesterday Vinnie was talking about getting is Masters, preparing for the LSAT so he can apply for FLEP and so I'm thinking, ok we are going to be in this Army life for several more years, just as I thought.

Then tonight he says he will probably get out, not sure when, but that he will look for a job and I will have to get one. OMG! I can't handle this back and forth! It's not like bam I can get a job, it doesn't work that way in the teaching world, unless you go right in after student teaching or get lucky by knowing someone. I missed that chance, I'd have to start over, subbing, hopefully getting a maternity leave and then hopefully get hired on full time. That can take a few years. It's possible to get hired right away but there is no way to know that and with having nothing on the resume since 2008, it's a long-shot. But, I'm done talking about it, because I start to stress about it and then everything changes again, so I'm just gonna stick with the track I'm on.

What I've Been Working On
Ok, so usually I am afraid to spend any money without asking Vinnie because I just feel guilty since I didn't go to work. I'm trying to improve on understanding that I have a very important role in this family. Taking care of Abigail is very important, helping her learn and discover new things, reinforce things, help her understand her feelings, keep her healthy and happy, etc. So I decided to try to change things up a little bit, turn off the TV and really actively play and discover with Abigail. I moved some things around so she now has a bookshelf downstairs, I bought her a few new books today, a couple animal books and another one that she just really liked along with a nursery rhyme book. She loves books and I don't think I could ever deprive her of one, if the girl wants a book, she can have it.

So the next thing I want to get is a pocket schedule, sounds dumb and pointless because i could just write it on a sheet of paper, but I think a pocket chart would be great, then we can just move times and events around as things change as she gets older, and I could always use it in a future class room. I can also include pictures to help her really understand what is going on. It will help create structure and predictability in the day, which children love. It will help her understand concepts of time as well. And, it would make me happy. Dumb as that may sound, it just would, weird stuff like that makes me happy, I'm sorry, it does, I know I can write it on paper, I've done that before, but I know I would love the pocket chart. So, should I get one? I think so, but I should probably ask Vinnie. I also would like to get a pocket calendar. I know, again, sounds dumb, I can just use a regular calendar and maybe she's too young to understand, but I really think she'd enjoy it and learn so much. I actually get excited thinking about it. Yes, I like dumb stuff like that.

I am still working on following FlyLady, I do pretty well with it. I lost track for a little while over the Christmas break, but now I'm back on track, got myself a little dry erase board to write down the daily mission. I would still like to drastically improve on the housewife front, trying to cook more meals, but man it just seems like it causes so much extra work (overtime) because then I got to do all the cleanup and trash related to the meal as well when I'd much rather get some relaxation time in.

Another thing I'm thinking about is taking some time for myself. I'm not sure how Vinnie would feel about it. My thought is maybe Monday and Wednesday 2 hours after Vinnie gets home, maybe I'd cook dinner, maybe not, not sure yet, but I'd like to just go somewhere...bookstore, starbucks, or somewhere else? I'd like to have time to read a book or play around on the computer without Abigail yelling at me or in the wee hours of the night. I'd also like to get caught up with my scrapbook, so that is also something I could do, but I can't really take that with me. I'd also like to work on my teaching portfolio so then I'm not waiting until the last minute to do it. These are things I cannot do during the day and feel guilty doing if Vinnie is home because it just doesn't feel right to be doing all that stuff while I should be spending time with him, but if I was not in the house I could probably actually get things done. I've always been this way. In college, if I had a big project, paper, or test to study for I HAD to get out of the apartment, it was just too distracting being there. I usually went to Qdoba (24 hours Thus-Sat and free internet) or the IMU. I'd stay in those places for HOURS, but it was so relaxing and I didn't feel pressure and always got great work done. It'd be nice to have a night or two off a week, Vinnie feeding and putting Abigail to bed, cleaning up her toys, dishes, trash, etc. So, yeah, I'm thinking about doing that, not sure.

Alrighty, well I'm completely exhausted, as usual so I should go, even though I won't be able to sleep. Goodnight

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