Feel like an old lady

So, Facebook kinda makes me feel like an old lady. It's New Year's Eve and everyone is posting about all the awesome things they are doing. I'm not big on going out and drinking/partying, in fact I have never gone anywhere for New Years, even Vinnie has gone to Navy Pier, I'm just blah. I'm kinda a wet blanket.

I don't know if I will ever go anywhere for New Years, it doesn't seem like it. I don't even know if I want to, but I do wish I could go back to college sometimes, I miss it so much.

Sometimes I think I want to go back to civilian life, but I don't think I could give up all the army benefits. I don't know if Vinnie could find anything that pays like the Army. Well, I guess I'll go now. Happy New Year!

Christmas

Hello,

Thought I'd do some sort of a post about Christmas. It went well, had some fun, but totally drained me.
Well, I was going to upload pictures, but it doesn't want to work so maybe next time.

Abigail got a vacuum and a kitchen and a play tent. Those are by far her favorite toys.

no news on the baby front yet. We shall see. I am still stressed about future names, I know I'm crazy, but nothing I can do about that.

Vinnie really likes the name Jack, as time goes on I like it less and less. I just don't see it as very formal and it seems too simple. I don't know..I mean it's alright, but I love calling Abigail by her full name and Jack just doesn't seem full. I like the name Benjamin, but maybe not enough for a first name. I like the name Alexander, but not Alex. I'm starting the like the name William, will for a nickname. Thing is, Jack doesn't bother me as a nickname, just not a given name. Not really a fan of Jackson, seems too trendy. any opinions out there?

Girls, well, I have a lot of first names. I really am 98% sure I would go with Elizabeth, it's my sister's middle name and my g-g-ma's so that's be nice. Middle name, not sure. My usual naming technique is my own first name and family middle name, but I mess that up with Elizabeth, but I like it as a first name. I don't want to use my other names like Caroline as a middle name, although maybe it'd be better as a middle name since I don't like Carol for a nn that people might give her. Elizabeth Caroline? hmm Also, as I mentioned before, trying to use a form of Mildred somewhere. I could use just Millie, doesn't sound right for a middle name though. I know there are other names that get you Mille as a nickname, Amelia being one of theme. Well, I guess I'll go for now, hopefully I'll be able to put some pics up later.

Names

So, God-willing I hope to have more babies in the future. I am also OCD about baby names. I feel the need to post about it here since I've been spending countless hours trying to find the perfect names. So, to save time I'm just gonna copy an email I sent to Vinnie:

Boy names

I like Jack, but I'm not a super huge fan. I think it bothers me that Jack is actually a nickname for John, although I realize nowadays it can stand alone, it is also becoming very popular. I might get frustrated if/when other people ask what Jack is short for and I have to say he's just Jack, I think that might make me sad. Now we could pick John, which is a cute name, not a huge favorite, but it could be cute and we could call him jack and he could also have more options with his name if he wanted. We could also call him John John. Would it be weird to have a John and Abigail? I don't think people would notice. I always liked Benjamin, it has always been on my baby names lists (except the ones with only A's and E's) but it seemed like a random name, but now I know my dad’s grandpa’s name was Benjamin and now I’m excited. I really super like it,


Middle names: Christopher, Kevin, John, Jack, Benjamin


1. Eli: (I still LOVE eli) Eli Christopher Eli Kevin, Eli Christopher Kevin, Eli Benjamin
2. Benjamin: Benjamin Christopher, Benjamin Jack
3. John "Jack" Christopher, John “Jack” Benjamin, John “Jack” Christopher
4. Jack: Jack Christopher, Jack Benjamin



Girls names

Middle names: Elizabeth, Alice, Margaret, Katharine, Millie, Milly

Elizabeth Jean, Elizabeth Margaret, Elizabeth Katharine (Ellie or Lily), Elizabeth Millie?

Caroline

I think I like Elizabeth Katharine best, but I’d like to work on more names since I don’t think you like it.I really need to work on some more names. You why I obsess? It's because I don't have any official names yet. I really need to work on girls names now.

I know Caroline Elizabeth sounds kinda nice, but I really want elizabeth as a first name (it is my sisters's middle name and my g-grandma's middle name. I also want to try to work some form of mildred into a middle name. Vinnie's grandma's name was Mildred and neither of us like that name but would really like to honor his grandma by using it in some way. I know there are a lot of names that have Millie as a nickname which is what we may do since she was known as millie.

Yep

So I guess I'm not so good with titles. Anyway, not too much going on. Went to an FRG meeting tonight. It was kinda pointless, nothing going on. I guess it is kinda pointless compared to the ones before deployment. Anyway, looks like the FRG leader is leaving next month, the co-leader will be taking her spot and so her spot will be open. I decided to go ahead and email her letting her know i'd be interested. I mean, I'm not working and I finally know some of the ladies and kinda feel like part of the in-crowd, so why not. At least it's co leader and not leader leader, bc I'm not sure I'd be able to answer people's questions, I don't know much about the Army still, but I'll just relay those questions to my buddy Priscilla who knows everything about the Army, she can be my co-leader. Well, we'll see how that pans out, someone may have already put their name in at the meeting so who knows.

Today was pretty lazy, boring, didn't do anything. When i got back from this meeting I was starving and Abigail was tired and when she gets tired she turns self-destructive, falling over, running into things, etc, so I thought I might be able to get some food in before taking her to bed, but she had other plans. Usually I give her a bath but we skipped it tonight and now she has woken up about an hour after i put her to bed. Hopefully she'll go back to bed, if not, it could be a long night. I shouldn't mess with her routine, but I was hungry! Then Vinnie fell asleep so it's just me again. Well, Apprentice finale is on tonight, so i'm pretty pumped. This is the first time I have ever watched that show, it's not bad, kinda funny, Trump is a funny dude.

Vinnie mentioned something about seeing if there are any jobs in Ft. Knox. I'm not going to put too many eggs in that basket. I need to get his approval on our Christmas card thingy and calendar, and i want to ask him about the career course, but never seem to get a chance.

Also been trying to talk to someone about babies, but no one is interested. It's understandable in some people's cases but others like my sister drive me nuts. If I even mention babies she tells my mom I'm having a baby. No, not having one, just want to talk about having one maybe, someday again. Maybe I'll start talking babies on here, but I don't want to drive away my only reader!

Ok, this was really boring,but oh well. Have a good night. Oh and the Colts finally won

Presents

Ugh, so I have never been good at being able to tell people what I want for Christmas. Mostly because I am not a "wanty" person or what I really want they can't give me or it loses it's charm if I tell them. This drives Vinnie nuts because he is opposite. I think he constantly keeps a list of things he wants and so he cranks out a christmas list very fast. I know then he will get what he wants, but it takes the fun out of it to be honest. I like to show him that I know him well enough to get him something he likes, but oh well I guess, not this year, I have a list. Tonight I have been trying to make a list but it is not easy. It seems dumb to tell someone what to get you. I might as well just go get it myself, it's coming out of the same account. Anyway, I'm working on a list, but I knoe i'm just putting stuff on there that I don't need, so it just seems dumb and a waste of money. In the past I have gotten things like an iTunes gift card, which only he has used once (that was 3 years ago), a portable dvd player (but I have a laptop) so I haven't used that and it is also from 3 years ago, I feel really bad about it. Last year he also got me a lot of charms for my bracelets and that was really nice. Well, I hate stressing about these things, it's just so dumb.

Charlie gets a new home! And Update

So it looks like Charlie will be getting a new home! Yay! I'm so happy for him. I hope Yoda can find a new home soon. I know they are being loved and well taken care of and I'm so excited for them. They are going to have great lives now.

Nothing else really going on. We put up Christmas lights. It's looking quite Clark Griswold out there but that's fine with me. I'll have to take a picture sometime. The inside looks nice too. Already picked up a couple presents for Abigail. I'm so glad vinnie is home this Christmas. We are trying to think of traditions we'd like to have in our little family. We have some ideas. I'll share them later since I'm on my phone right now and just don't feel like typing it all out. Well. I'm gettin tired I'll add more later. Just thought I'd do a little update.

***Ok, I'm back, doing a no-no which is bringing the computer in bed with me. I know it is the culprit to my insomnia, but so be it. Anyway, my mom was here for a visit which was super fun. We had a good time, went winter shopping, yay! I didn't have ANY winter clothes being I was at least 40lbs heavier last year this time. Got to see a couple movies while she was here and went out to eat with the hubster for my birthday, so good times. My dad is also coming for a visit next week, so I'm excited about that as well.

So, going to another coffee Tuesday. Look at me, miss social, although I wouldn't go that far. I just am not naturally social unless someone opens up to me first and even then it may not work. There are some people I just naturally connect with, and other well, not so much, but I'm sure that's true for everyone.

As I mentioned Vinnie and I got to see a couple movies, including the new Harry Potter. Now neither of us have ever been Harry Potter enthusiasts or anything, not that we didn't like it, just never got into it. Anyway, thanks to Harry Potter weekend on ABC family and our DVR we are now officially caught up. To tell you the truth, I saw the Half-Blood Prince in theaters after only reading the first book (class assignment) and really I didn't miss much, besides Harry getting beat up and about 6 defense against the dark arts professors. Seriously, does Dumbledore (don't know if i spelled that right) not know how to hire someone of quality for that job or what?

Still wanting to join a gym, still debating. I'm guessing it won't happen because I'm too big a wuss to ask 100 times if I can. Just don't know. I'd like to get back into decent shape before we think about trying for baby #2.

Oh yeah, Christmas traditions. Well, so far the Christmas lights are a go. We want to get a pickle ornament and hide it in the tree. We are going to go to church Christmas eve, I just couldn't imagine not going. I think I'm going to make some cookies and possibly cupcakes for Christmas. Have to read night before Christmas. Christmas morning I think I will do cinnamon buns and possibly some biscuits and gravy. Not sure what else. Probably do a Christmas dinner. Need to watch all the Christmas movies at some point. We wanted to make going to Trans-Siberian orchestra a tradition, but apparently they were here like November 13th. So, oh well.

alright, well if anyone has any suggestions let me know.

Feeling terrible

So, I don't feel that good and on top of it I'm not getting any sleep. Also, I just feel like I just suck lately. I mean, my dinners are not very good. I constantly struggle between trying to make something fast , healthy and not crazy expensive. I always buy too much and am not good at the whole using leftovers to make something the next day. I'm probably just too lazy to put any real effort into my "job" and that's mostly the problem, but I don't know. I know I just complain a lot and that just makes me feel worse. Especially when my husband gets angry and tells me to stop whining all the time and just fix the problem. Don't sleep? Go to the doctor. Yeah, i get it, i need to go, I just feel so blah I don't have the motivation. I know I make an excuse for everything and it drives Vinnie crazy. I probably do need to go to the doctor to get this insomnia thing figured out. I know i also need to go to the dentist bc my teeth are constantly killing me.

My house is a mess bc I'm just too tired to get anything done and that just makes me more depressed. I don't get out of the house (again I know that's my own fault) but where am i supposed to go and again I don't have the motivation. That's why I was so pumped to join a gym but now I'm just back to blah about it because Vinnie wasn't really for it. I don't even really want to anymore. Also, I don't do anything for myself, ever, I mean I don't get my hair cut, or dyed, I don't get my nails done or go buy new clothes or things I want. All I wanted was to go to the gym so I don't gain my weight back and so I can hopefully start to feel better. I will talk to my mom and she always understands exactly what i'm talking about, maybe because she has been there, but I can never explain it to Vinnie. Ugh, I love my husband and he is awesome, we just have to find a way to get on the same page sometimes, and again it doesn't help that he constantly tells me he wishes he could just stay home and hang out with Abigail all day... yeah ok :( it's mostly on me because I don't take care of myself and just get things done that need to be done.

I don't know when I became this way, I mean I got everything done in college, then once I moved out here I just have made excuse after excuse for everything and it makes me feel like a terrible and lazy human being all the time. I know the easy solution is well then do something (which is what vinnie says) but I can't seem to do ANYTHING. I don't know why but I think if I were home in a familiar place and surrounded by my family things would be different. Well, that's all for now, going to try to "sleep" again...

I'm back...

I am really terrible at this blog thing, I'm not going to win any super blog awards, but it's really just easy to type than write in my journal, so what ev. Anyway, not much has been going on. Just trying to switch gears and do the Army wife thing now, we'll see how that all works out, don't know if I should try getting involved in the FRG, it's not really my thing, but I suppose it's expected of me. Went to a coffee tonight, I'm thinking everyone there was either a leader or co-leader or something and I'm a nothin and felt dumb bc I had never even been to a coffee before, but hey I've only been invited twice in 2 years so give me a break. Anyway, it was nice, so we'll see what happens with that. Not feeling to good tonight, hope I don't get sick, but I took some ibprofen and I"m feeling much better now, should have had some before I went to the coffee.

Oh, we went on this marriage retreat which was awesome and I made a couple new friends, so now I have a 2-1 buddy I can drag around to all this army stuff. Ok, well, probably should go to bed, but won't so nighty night

I suck

I canceled it, I'm such a wuss and really disappointed in myself. I think Vinnie is starting to be disappointed in me to. I just never follow through with anything anymore. I got to be better. I don't want to keep letting him down. He didn't care whether I got a job or not but he can't stand me being on the fence anymore. I can't stand it either.

OMG what is my deal?

Sometimes I seriously annoy myself and drive myself crazy. Why can't I just be happy with what I have right now? Anyway, I got another response from a different Mini-Skool and set up a phone interview for tomorrow. So, I have been preparing for it all night and now I'm thinking I don't really want this. I don't want to say goodbye to little Abigail while I go play with someone else's kids, that just seems stupid. It's be different if I HAD to work, of course this would be the ideal job since Abigail and I would be in the same building. I know in my last post I said I regretted not calling the last person back and that's why I decided to respond to this one, but I just don't know iff I want it and that will probably come off in the interview, AND IT'S ON THE PHONE!!!!!! UGHHHHHHH and I really don't think I want to change other kid's diapers, I mean it's different when it's your own kid's poo.
I guess it doesn't hurt to do the interview right? Good practice. But, why leave Abigail, I can't get the image of saying bye to her out of my head, it's making me sad.

On another note the boys are going to be adopted. They are coming to get them Sunday and so yep, I'm sad, but I think they will be happier. I'm tired now, I hope I get this figured out.

Starting to feel normal again

Well, it's been awhile since my last blog so I guess I'll try to update best I can. So, I didn't call back Mini-Skool, but should have, I kinda wanted that job but I convinced myself that I didn't. So, I made the decision to stop whining and enjoy being home. I found this website FlyLady.com and it had helped me like you wouldn't believe. I have a plan for the day and things to do. I don't feel all over the place anymore. Then, about a week into doing that I hit a wall and decided I really wish I would have called Mini-Skool back, so I sent out some more resumes to early learning centers and I have been prepping a preschool portfolio and preparing for a preschool interview, so if I get a call I won't freak out and not answer the phone and then not call back. I think a early learning center would be best, Abigail could come to work with me. Even though we wouldn't be together she'd still be there and I think that would make for a good transition for both of us. I don't know exactly why I feel like I need to work, I think it's just a passion I have for teaching and I don't want to give it up.

Anyway, looks like Vinnie is staying in the Army. We crunched the numbers a little bit and it looks like it would be best for us, we could eliminate all our debt in a couple years (except my stupid school loans) and he might have an opportunity to get law school paid for and it's just a security thing, I mean, he has this job, great benefits, decent pay, no chance of a lay off, holidays off, etc. Of course there are downsides or everyone would be in the Army. So, I am just going to roll with it and try to stop planning and worrying so much about the future.

I kinda wish we weren't in WA anymore. I mean, I absolutely love it here, but it is WAY to far from home for me, anywhere besides Alaska, Hawaii and overseas would be closer. Eh, well, we'll see. Well, I'm not quite in the mood for typing so I will maybe update more later and get more exciting with some pictures.

What do I want?

OMG, why can't I just figure out what I want? I got a call yesterday from Mini-Skool about a job opening, I didn't answer bc I was too nervous, but they left a message. I didn't call back. I know what is the harm in interviewing? It would probably be good experience. There is no commitment in that, but I can't even bring myself to call back, maybe that means I really don't want to work? I don't know. I mean I do, and at this place abigail would even be in the same building as me, but nope still can't do it. How could I bring myself to voluntarily not stay home with Abigail when I have the chance to stay home? But working would give me some identity to myself that I really don't feel I have anymore.

Still don't know if Vinnie is staying in or getting out which makes things that much more confusing. In about two or three years my sister said I could job share with her, that would be cool. What do I do until then? I just need some ideas I guess or something.

I know Vinnie doesn't really get alone time, but I don't get any either, I miss working out. I need to do it again, going to the gym was always the best part of my day, now my day pretty much sucks, it drags on and I feel like I get nothing done bc I'm so freaking tired all day bc I can't sleep at night. Something needs to change, but I need a simple solution, I'm not going to run around like crazy anymore (getting my WA cert, applying, getting all the req. paperwork) for something I don't even really want deep down right now. I'd like to continue to develop my portfolio, make a real professional one, do some professional development, keep up on the times, etc. I'm not really sure where to start.

So, I keep going back and forth on what I think we should do about the whole army thing, today I think I'm leaning toward getting out and going home. I miss my family sooooooo much, I hate being so far away. Everyone is missing out on Abigail growing up, I have no close friends here and only two/three people in the whole state that I know and would feel comfortable hanging out with. It's my fault for not getting out there and making it happen, but being home I would have at least a support network which I know I could get here if I seek it but I don't think I would. I don't know what I need. My life isn't terrible or bad in any sense, it's just not what I thought it'd be. I don't even know what I thought it would be.


I guess this is what I thought. I'd be teaching and Vinnie would be in law school, this would be his last year of law school in fact, then he'd get a lawyer job, I'd have 2 years of teaching done and then we could start a family. Of course things got all crazy when he joined the Army, he couldn't find a "real" job after college and didn't want to go straight to law school after IU so he joined so he could support me, which I really do appreciate. About a year in we decided we were financially stable enough to start a family (i think at the time we were pretty certain the army would be our lives for a long while). So, now we are at the crossroads which could have been avoided, I know you can't plan out everything, but some things you can plan and if we had stayed on the plan I thought we were on I think things would be very different, I don't know if they'd be better, I know any path would have brought it's own challenges.

I'm afraid that I will get so used to this stay at home thing that I will never get out there again and seek anything. I think about how this life could end tomorrow, so why am I putting so many things off until later? I just don't want to lose myself I guess...

I need to figure out something, I'm feeling tears coming on for some reason, why? I'm not like sad and depressed or anything, I just wish I could figure things out. ugh...

Email to my sister

Here is an email I wrote to my sister in the wee hours of the night, sorry for all the typos, too lazy to fix them. But, it shows my crazy mind, enjoy:


Maybe I'll find something, but I'll need somewhere for Abigail to go...and what if I want to have another baby? I guess that is out of the question now since we won't have money anymore. I'm really stressed out about this whole thing. I'm always online looking for jobs for me and Vinnie, it doesn't seem like Vinnie is stressed about it at all, but it is kind of a big deal. I am so bipolar about the whole thing. I love being home and just being a mom and I know someday later I can teach, and right now I should just stay at home with my babies, but then if Vinnie gets out that's not possible. I really do want to teach and I know I will. at least now i can keep renewing my license by taking some classes or doing professional development, which would be good for me anyway. Someday I really wish I could have my own classroom, I feel like I wasted all the work I did in college watching people I graduated with and people who graduated after me going on to bigger and better things when every prof I had told me how wonderful a teach I would be and how I literally kicked everyone's ass in those classes I took, yet, they have the jobs, I know they didn't get married or have kids (although some do now). Maybe I did things backwards, I know according to mom's plan did, she always told us college, career, married, babies...I kinda f*ed that up and now it's biting me in the bum. I just have to wait to have a career. I almost feel like I had a baby in high school or college and couldn't finish my degree. Funny thing is that the people who did have babies in high school and college are doing just fine and their babies are old enough now that they are finishing school now and getting jobs..

wow, tangent. sorry. But you see my point. My brain is a mess. Maybe I just need counseling and someone to tell me what I should do. I know every year when school starts I'm going to get the urge again...no matter what I decide. When I see job openings I can't help but want them.

Maybe I should just whip out some babies now and then when they are all in school try to be a teacher again...sigh, sounds like a long time. Even if I started now, ok, new baby wouldn't be born until late june/july...ok then add 3-4 years to that, so we're talking 5 years, and if I want another one and go for it when the 2nd one is about 2 then that's another 3-4 years or so, so probably like 8-10 years before I teach...ugh You see my problem? I am crazy.

The point is I have no idea what I want. DO I want to give up time with my babies to go hang out with someone else's babies? I feel like I should have waited until my babies were in school to go to college, that would have made more sense, maybe, I don't know, that's what a lot of people do these days and you usually think they don't have their stuff together, but maybe they are smarter than all of us? hmmm....
OK, I'll leave you alone, I know you have a job and it's a doosy. Oh, shower date sounds good, I hope I can find a really ridiculous old bridesmaid dress. I'll start planning now. Weeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another plan

So it seems like I have a new plan about every day, but this time I think I might follow through. I can start substitute teaching (something i don't really want to do but oh well) in the Clover Park School district. I'm going to call tomorrow to see if I can set up an orientation. So, that'll be good, just makes child care a little hard since i don't have any clear hours and it doesn't look like I'll get in on post for awhile. So, I'm thinking that even if I don't end up making any money (bc of daycare) it'll still be good experience for me, maybe 2-3 times a week and if i like it and abigail seems ok maybe more if I can get the hours.

Looks like Vinnie plans to get out, he kinda gave me a run-down on what he kinda sees us doing in the future and it sounded ok, at least with teaching you get time off and you can take time when you have kids, I hate the idea of not being home with my kids to go teach other kids, but there is a chance to do job-sharing with my sister in the future, so we shall see about that.

Well, I'm sleepy, but can't sleep. I guess I'm going to try.

Change in plans?

Ugh, so the other day Vinnie says "Can you get a job at home because I'm getting out and we're moving home" What?!? Where did this come from, he sounded very decided. The answer to his question is that I have no idea, like I explained before I kind of missed my opportunity. My resume is really starting to look old, especially once 2011 comes along and I can't find any job out here, it just sucks. I have no idea what's going on now. I am so blah about this whole thing anymore.
Vinnie likes the Army, I think he just isn't really enjoying being gone for what seems like the entire day, he maybe sees Abigail for 1/2 hour before she goes to bed. Maybe that is part of it.

I just don't know... what am I going to do? There's no way for me to know if there will be anything back home for me. I hope so, but I probably need to find something here to beef up the resume.

So, back to square one...

Are you ready for some football?

Oh, you know I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today officially marks the beginning of my favorite time of year, oh how I love football. Yes, maybe it helps that the Colts are consistently good, but they haven't always been that way. When we had season tickets..yes we'd drive all the way down to Indy on a Sunday morning...they were terrible...I'm talking 3-13. It started to get too expensive for our family so we got rid of our season tickets, probably a year or two before Peyton arrived. So be it, they still rule and I'm still excited. Oh, Colts, can you believe they were in the Superbowl last year? Awesome. Anyway, being out in Washington actually makes it a lot easier to be a Colts fan then back at home, you are a total outcast if you are a Colts fan in "Da Region" it's like, how dare you? well, I do dare, sorry, I was brought up a Colts fan and that's just the way it is. Of course Vinnie is a Bears fan bc he still says he's from Chicago anytime someone asks him where he's from (he moved to Indiana when he was 5) I let him get away with it bc he is really proud of it, but it drives me crazy. Anyway, let's just say the last few years haven't been too much fun watching the Bears, and forget that Superbowl that was supposed to be super fun, it ended up being me watching the 2nd half alone with the chicken wings...
Anyway, I absolutely LOVE football season and no other time more than Sunday Night Football. Why you ask? Yes, the Colts are on it quite often (again didn't used to be that way, we'd be lucky to catch a couple games on TV if we were able to tune into the South Bend channel) but the real reason I love Sunday Night Football is because in college, every weekend, my goal was to have ALL of my work done by Sunday Night Football, I'm talking everything, including studying. So, I always did it and by the time the song started, no matter what, the books closed and I relaxed and had no more cares. So, even now, when I hear the song start I get a smile on my face and I am soooooooooooo happy. Oh I can't wait until Sunday, but tonight's game should also be awesome, even though I don't really want to hear about Favre and his stupid ankle and how he's old nor do I want to hear about how the Saints won the Superbowl and somehow saved New Orleans, but if I have to watch on mute, I will.

So here's to football, a true American treasure...

Update

Nothing like having the rug pulled out from underneath you. So, those teacher assistant positions are all filled up at that school district, and I screwed the pooch with my crappy resume at the other school districts, i still didn't apply at steilacoom and puyallup yet, but I don't know, I check it out and see what's up and give an update later


7:16pm
Well I finally got an email from North Thurston County Public Schools that my application is finally complete and available to hiring administrators. Sweet, since school started today! Anyway, there are still 3 positions open if the website is accurate, maybe I'll get a call, I'm not expecting anything since I have nothing on my resume since 2008 and all my spelling errors, those go right to the shredder, but maybe they won't notice? yeah right. Well, I might get prepped for an interview just in case, still need to work on my portfolio, I probably won't have a super awesome one, but I'll have something, I'm just not in the mood to put the effort in right now.

Oh and Vinnie comes home today and asks me if I'd be able to get a job back home if he gets out, I said I don't know why, and he said, that's not an answer. A few minutes later he said Ok i'm getting out and we are moving home. Well, that isn't the first time that has been said, so I don't know if he was serious or what, I'm sure we'll chat more tonight...

New plan

Ok, so new plan. I think I might volunteer at a school on post. It's a little hard to justify since I will have to pay $4 an hour for child care and not be getting paid, but I need to get some experience and keep my resume updated best I can and still remain flexible. My hope is to be able to work in an actual classroom helping out the teacher with group work or individual students, I know how teachers love and need extra help, and even better if it isn't a parent who is just trying to keep an eye on their kid and get extra parent teacher conferences! Now I just need to decide how much time I want to spend. I figure, I'd like to get a new reference/recommendation so the more time I spend getting to know whoever the better, but again, the daycare comes into play. Maybe a couple hours a couple days a week would be enough?

Another option is to be a teacher's assistant...paid. There are actually a couple of openings on post, the hours are good, not too many, and I'd be paid so I can better justify child care. One opening is only like 3 hours a day which would be perfect. Right now I'm trying to get info on how to apply, it's kinda confusing. I think that could be good though.

Also, I'm going to try to work out on post instead of Globo Gym. I think I can "make it work"

On another note, I finally found a good website where I can find professional development conferences for teachers! I found a freakin awesome one in Washington, not super far away. $125 but it's all about reading and literacy instruction, which would be great and the keynote guy is the main guy we focused on in my final methods class. So, I think I may have to go for that.

I got about 2 hours of sleep last night. I need to figure this out, I hate not sleeping, I feel terrible all day and I can't blame Abigail anymore... well, I need to try to get some rest while abigail is relaxing, oh wait nope, she's up

Hard to explain

So, I think I decided to just stay home. But, I also need to get out. Back when I was living at home I made time to get out and go to the gym almost everyday, I was able to make it happen because I was around family willing to watch Abigail for an hour or two. A few weeks ago Vinnie said something about how being home is still really new and weird and every once in awhile he needs to get out on his own. Completely understandable, so every once in awhile he'll go to the store or pick up food, etc. without us. He also "gets" to go to work to get a "break" I know I'm throwing those words around loosely, I know work isn't a break, but maybe you know what I mean. I also need these breaks. I need time to clear my mind and just be stress free for a little bit. Normally if I get a minute (like when Abigail is napping, more like if) I try to get a quick rest because I can't sleep at night, but I want something more. So i'm thinking about joining a gym again.

Now, I know on post I can go to a gym for free and get free child care while I work out. So, i should just go there, BUT it takes at least 20 minutes to get there and when I get there the child care might be full...doesn't sound stress free to me. I know that's where Vinnie want me to go and maybe if I lived closer, I would. I'm thinking about doing LA Fitness since it is literally 5 seconds away from my house and it reminds me of Globo Gym from DodgeballThis is LA Fitness

Best pic of Globo Gym I could find

I know I would use it, probably everyday, they have child care but I'm not sure of the cost and I'm a little nervous about getting scammed into a long term contract on accident. I really think I'd go though, but I don't know...ugh.

On a better note I had lunch with a friend today and it was nice, haven't hung out since the boys got back and now she's moving :( If we stay in I'll be following her to Benning so that's cool. She has been a real mentor for me, I don't know if I would have made it this far as an army wife without her! Ok nighty night!

Curse you Word!

So, I submitted a plain text resume on a website today and noticed I had some typos in it. Are you f-ing kidding me! I am so freakin stupid, I know they shred resumes with incorrect spelling, so I am totally screwed out of a job in any school district around here, but I guess I already decided not to teach so oh well right?
I think it will be hard to ever get a teaching job being I will never be anywhere for long enough to "get my foot in the door" which is the only way to get a teaching job in a place where you know no one. Most teachers get there first job bc of student teaching, usually offered a long-term sub position followed by a full time gig. I was offered Kindergarten maternity leave and another Kindergarten position following student teaching, BUT I had to move to Washington. Things would be very different if we weren't in the Army, so weird to think about, I would have taken that job... no Abigail, at least not yet.

I would make an attempt at getting my foot in the door here but it seems pointless since i won't be here long enough to reap the benefits.

So the never ending stay in or get out topic came up again today... ugh, I just don't know. All I know is I feel useless around here. I don't know how I can make this "job" better. It doesn't help that when I ask Vinnie what he wants to do he says "stay at home with Abigail" yeah i know it sounds like all fun and games, but it's exhausting and you are trying to get 80 things done during the day and end up only getting maybe 2 things done which makes you feel like a failure. It isn't all that fun, plus you have nothing to show for what you did all day. When the hubby comes home and asks what I did all day I really don't have anything to say and I hate that, If I had a job I would automatically feel useful, right now, I just feel lazy and I know I'm not. Well, I'm tired and need to sleep, but who knows if that'll happen

I think I've decided

ugh, So maybe I wasted money, but maybe I finally have decided. I don't want to go to work. I just don't think I can right now, I have to wait until Abigail is older. I know I will probably try for more little ones, and if that happens, that'd be great, maybe I'll never teach, which is kind of sad, but oh well. I think I should take advantage of being able to stay home. I just don't think I could put Abigail in daycare knowing that I had a choice, she doesn't HAVE to go. Ugh, I know, I am dumb for thinking I could do it, maybe if I would have more time to prepare, like make sure I had a place for Abigail to go and let her get used to it, etc. but I wouldn't have that if I got a job. I almost thought about applying for a teacher aide at a school on post, but really, I just don't think I want to do that. I still might volunteer, but again, I don't really trust the on post day care, I don't know why, but when I went there to register it just seemed like a mad house. Well, it's almost 2:30 am now, I really need to get some sleep, but obviously this had been on my mind. I just have to tell myself things will all work out. I just hate to but myself at a disadvantage in the future, but I'm hoping one day, if I'm back at home or near home my sis will still be teaching and can get me a job...who knows...I just would hate to lose my connections, and my references will forget me and my letters of rec will be out of date and...oh geez, here I go again! Why can't I just live in the present!

My sister's old classroom. So jealous!

Still confused

So, yeah, still haven't figured anything out yet, what else is new? It's hard to really try to make any decisions when I don't know where I will be next year. I'm assuming that Vinnie will stay in, even though I know if I told him I wanted him out he'd get out, but I don't know what I want. I think army fits him, his personality, it just seems like a good fit and he's generally happy with it. Plus, he has mentioned to a few people something about the career course which means he'd be staying in, so I'm thinking that is what he wants.

Anyway, I think maybe I have decided to just enjoy the opportunity I have to stay at home, not everyone these days has that as a choice. I just am not that good of a house wife, I can't help but feel like a crappy janitor and terrible cook pretty much everyday. I'm really not good at it and I get into caring for Abigail and all of the sudden Vinnie will be home soon and I haven't done anything and so I feel like I am not contributing anything. I think maybe if I just stop thinking about the job thing and concentrate on being a wife and mom I could do better.

I do need to try to get out more, staying at home is what is driving me crazy. I'd like to start working out again too. We shall see.

I'm wondering if I could find some teacher workshops or maybe even volunteer in a classroom a couple times a week? hmm, that could be an idea, it would get me in the classroom even if I don't get paid, oh well. I should check into that.

I drive myself crazy!

I am starting to get annoyed with myself. Why is it that I have no clue what I want? I keep changing my mind, sometimes I get really pumped up about something and less than 24 hours later I'm completely over it. So I was all excited about maybe teaching upper grade 4-6, then I was all pumped for Kindergarten, then yesterday I said screw it all I want to teach little guys, pre-K and was seriously really excited about the possibility. But now, I'm like, man I really don't think I want to teach little guys... do I even have the personality? I don't know, I've worked with Kindergarten before and they seemed to like me, but who knows. Maybe I should have just stuck with my original plan and gone the high school teacher route...I changed to el ed after my sophomore year bc I didn't feel old enough to teach high schoolers and I was about to start my field experience in the next semester.

My 5th graders, I had already phased out by this time, but I miss them :( They are 7th graders now!
Below is the word wall from my 3rd grade class. I miss them too! They are 6th graders! Now I'd really like to be a college prof, but I kinda screwed myself with an el ed major, because I would not want a masters in el ed or anything related to education, I would want a PHD in history, BUT it might be impossible to find a program that will take me as an el ed major, the only math I had was 3 semesters of "teacher math" which actually was kinda hard even if i got A+ s in the classes, other people failed so... and my science classes were hard and normal science classes but I'm probably screwed because they are for "Elementary teachers" great...waste of time, wanna know what the difference is? You write a freakin unit plan in an el ed biology or physics class and you learn how to TEACH that craziness to others, I feel like it was probably harder than a normal class, but what can you do. Also, no foreign language was required, even though I took some, but I am in no way fluent, and to get into grad school for history you have to be able to read and write in a foreign language...sigh...

Anyway, that was a tangent. Basically I have no clue. Maybe I should just try to be the best wife and mom I can be and just leave it at that. For some reason, it just doesn't feel right, or it just doesn't feel like what I am supposed to do... it just wasn't where I saw myself, I know life changes your plans and you can't control everything.

Every day that goes by I feel like I'm losing my teaching mojo. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I freakin rule, I mean I am the shiz, at least I was, ideas and things i learned are becoming harder to remember and I'm already starting to feel out of date when I used to be ahead of the game (being that IU is a research school so we always had the latest teaching theories). ugh, well, this post is going nowhere. I think I'm done, I quit, I'll just be goody good-wife and maybe an FRG leader (yeah, I was "offered" it and I know nothing about it)- imagine me all FRG leader like...haha, I don't have the social skills for that one. OK i'm done, nighty night

Something sweet but sad

This post was originally meant to talk about my indecisiveness BUT I am also watching baby story and I have to share. The people on lost their baby at 35 weeks, reminds me sadly of little Olivia. The baby's name was Estella, Stella for short. Anyway, this couple now makes little care baskets for parents who lose children, it is so sweet, they call it Stella's Angels. I am actually surprised they are willing to film the baby story for TV because of their past, but they are. It's still on, but I am going to go ahead and assume all goes well. I guess they just found out that the cord isn't attached properly to the baby, I hope that doesn't cause any problems. Oh, looks like she is going to be induced at 36 weeks just in case. They are naming this baby Eva which means Life. Ok, well, that's all for now. I'll chat about indecisiveness later...

Job search?

So I took the plunge and started searching for my first teaching job, a little late, but that's what happens when you're super indecisive like me. Anyway, it has taken me FOREVER just to get everything together I need to apply for anything, holy cow, I didn't know how extensive this process was. But today FINALLY 1 week before school starts I officially turned in two applications, now I'm still waiting on my Washington License and a couple of reference forms from my former supervisors, (yes they have to fill out this whole checklist thing about my teaching skills and send it in to the districts confidentially) and all the districts require it and there is no way around it. Apparently letters of recommendation and phone calls to references just doesn't cut it these days, it was a pain just to get updated letters of recommendation from my references, geez. Anyway, I also had to get my transcripts, freakin IU and charging freakin 10 bucks a piece. Oh, and IU had to fill out this form and fax it and mail it into the licensing place, they got the fax but not the hard copy yet, ugh. Anyway, filling applications sucks big time and I kinda hate that everything is online now, I feel like just a number and not a person anymore, but what can you do. I took so long to finish applying that all the real jobs are gone, there are some little jobs, but no full time teaching, so I'll probably end up having done all this for nothing. Oh, did I mention that I had to get fingerprinted for 70 bucks? Crazy. Oh and its 55 bucks for my license. It's expensive to apply for a job!Even if I were to get an interview or job I'll have to find a daycare or something for Abigail. I really don't think I'll be driving all the way to post and then back again each morning and Vinnie goes in too early to take her, so that's just something I'll have to figure out I guess. I'm thinking about sending in a letter of inquiry and resume to Tutor Time and Mini Skool as well, that way Abigail could be there with me and I'd get a discount, I could do pre-K or something, that'd be alright. I'm really not caring about the money so much as I just feel like I need to do something with my degree, I worked really freakin hard in college and I have nothing to show for it and I would like to get the experience. I actually majored in El Ed because I wanted to be a teacher, so yeah, I want to do it and I get the sudden urge ALL the time, it's crazy, this time I acted upon it, I just wish I would have started sooner, I might have been able to get my own classroom. So, who knows what the future holds for Mrs. Rinas....

Should we stay or should we go?

So, again, I don't have enough time to really write, but I just wanted to get something down. Lately the convo of staying in the Army or getting out is becoming more and more important. It is a really hard decision, so many pros and cons and ifs in every option. Let me see if I can break it down...

We really want to live in Chicago...someday, I would LOVE it! Of course being in the Army doesn't really offer that option, so if we want to live in Chicago now, easy answer, get out, BUT could/would Vinnie be able to find a job? Would we be able to afford a condo/house? (We still have quite a bit of debt) would I be able to get a teaching job that would pay enough to offset daycare in CHICAGO and pay my loans back? I would also need to transfer my teaching license and take at least another test so I can be certified in Middle school subjects..at least social studies. Also, I feel like going this route would get us stuck and Vinnie would probably never get a chance to go to law school like he has always wanted to so that would stink.

We COULD live at home while Vinnie goes to law school, that way we could save some money and I could also try to get a job and get the experience and use my Indiana license which would be a plus. But, we all know how crappy living at home was for me...

We could also get a cheap apartment and Vinnie could go to law school and I could see if I could work, just sucks with the dogs...

Of coarse all the above options involve me going back to work which I'm not totally sure I want to do yet, but at times I really do want to, but I don't know.

So, Vinnie could stay in, this would allow us time to save up money for all the things we want to do...

We aren't sure what the commitment is if he stays in and goes to Captains Career Course, but probably a few years which of course put us at risk for another deployment. I could also start teaching while Vinnie is in the Army, that would definitely help with the debt. There is a lot of "security" with staying in the Army, you can't beat the insurance and other benefits, and I'd be worried about losing all of those things, there is no guarantee of any job outside the Army.

Vinnie wants to apply for a program through the Army that would pay for him to go to law school, problem is they only take about 15 people each year, so it is pretty selective. But, if he were to get in it would be awesome.

well, I'm tired so I'm not going to finish this tonight, but if anyone has any thoughts let me know!

Some more Hawaii

Hopefully I
I'll add pictures but for now I'll just discuss a few things we did. We flew Alaskan Airlines early in the morning to Oahu, Abigail did awesome, of course she is an awesome little one and flying in planes is second nature now. We got there and checked into the Waikiki Marina Resort at the Illikai, which I would recommend to anyone, full kitchen, on the part of Waikiki that isn't super crowded, close to shopping and you get picked up first for everything. It was WAY cheaper than the Hale Koa, which we frequented for the PX, so it was a good deal.


We had a few beach days, we also went to Paradise Cove for a luau which was awesome (for our anniversary), we also went to the zoo the same day, we went to the aquarium, pearl harbor, USS Arizona Memorial, Dole Plantation, North Shore, the Blow Hole, A lot of really awesome lookouts, Diamond Head, yes I hiked all the way up with Abigail strapped to me! We hung out with Vinnie's cousin, had some really great dinners and did some shopping in several shopping centers including the International Market. We did a lot and there is more to write, but my pizza will be here soon so got to go!

Hey

So, I haven't been much of a blogger since Vinnie's been home, but there isn't too much time to do it and not too much to report on except we just got back from Hawaii and it was an awesomely awesome trip. I would go into detail, but there is just too much, but it was great.

Vinnie still has some leave time so we are just relaxing at home most of the time, tomorrow we are going to try to play some basketball and maybe some soccer, we'll see how Abigail enjoys it.

Hopefully later I'll have more time to write about Hawaii because I'd really like to get all the stuff down that we did.

Ok, not much of a post, but I'm trying to at least update a little bit! Bye!

He's back!

Well, I'm too lazy to post pictures right now, but HE'S BACK! 377 days too late too me. so he wasn't the last flight, there was one after him, but pretty close. It's terrible that the Army doesn't know how to get guys back in time. I know the Army is never fair, but it's kind of ridiculous. He's back and then went right back to work while others enjoyed a lovely DONSA. Oh and of course he doesn't get leave until the 28th now instead of the 23rd, why? Because they got back later. Just stupid.

Anyway, I shouldn't complain, he's home, he's here and everything is awesome. Abigail took to Vinnie awesomely. The homecoming was very late and Abigail was super tired, but she didn't cry at all when she saw Vinnie and she let him hold her no problem.

He's been very hands on with her and she adores him. It is really great. I'm hoping we will get some time to relax, we are going to Hawaii so that should help, but I can't believe he is already back at work :/

I can't wait to get our pictures! I took "deployment" pictures with a professional photographer and also had homecoming pictures with another photographer, FOR FREE! I am really excited to see the pictures since I only got a couple taken with my iPhone.

Well, I'm going to go rest now and get ready for Vinnie to be home in maybe 3 hours...:/ 4pm, retarded, ok I said I was done complaining,
byebye for now!

OMG come home already!

I am seriously losing my mind! I don't think i can function anymore. Why does Vinnie have to be last? I don't get it, and I'm not even exaggerating.

My mind is just all junked up and I can't think clearly anymore. I have exhausted my list of things to do and now I have nothing to do today while I sit and wait. I have super cleaned 3 or 4 times now, I don't think there is anything left to clean.

I was really hoping I wouldn't be alone in the bed tonight, but it looks like it will be at least one more night. I got a call from Vin this morning, so I'm guessing that means at least another day :(

BTW the Donut of Misery can kiss my butt. You know how many times I've changed the date on that thing? Ugh, now it just makes me angry when I see the 376 number.

Well, I don't have much else to say except I can't wait until I can stop complaining and post something happy. Soon, pretty soon I hope.

Getting ready

Well, I haven't gotten any official word, but I also didn't get a phone call from Vin which is actually a good sign, he may be on the move.

So, I decided to go clean crazy today and I got a lot done, this house looks awesome. I had to flea bomb it again, I hope it works this time, I hate fleas and they love me. If they don't leave me alone this time I'm going to have to get a pro.

Well, I'm actually pretty tired, I was going to write more, but I still need to eat din din. Ok bye bye!

53 weeks

This is starting to get cruel. I do realize of course things could be worse, and people have had it worse (3 month extension for example, my brother being one of those), but usually people are aware of the 3 month extension well in advance and you just accept it. Well, today mark 53 weeks since my husband left for Afghanistan. Is it wrong to be jealous and even slightly angry everytime I get an email about homecomings and see names of people who left well after my husband? He left with the first main body and I cannot believe he is still there, they've had like 9 main bodies come home already. People who only did half deployments are already coming home and people who left in August are already home.

I am jealous and this blog is mostly a jealous rage!

And no offense to single soldiers, but shouldn't soldiers with wives and children come home first? I mean, my husband left one month before Abigail was born and came home for R and R when she was a month old for 2 weeks. I found out some guys got to come home for the birth for E-leave and THEN also got 2 weeks R and R later on, ugh. Last time he saw her she was just a little tiny baby and now she is ready to walk and I'm trying to keep her from walking so he can see it, and then he gets pushed back... It has been 10 months since I have even seen my husband, other guys haven't even deployed for that long AND they got R and R, AND they are coming home before my hubby! Those guys should have to wait, sorry, I know I shouldn't say that, but this is a blog and I'm allowed to write how I feel, right?

Anyway, I'm hoping that if I complain and just expect him not to be home for awhile, then I will finally get the call that he's coming.

Well, I am done for now, maybe I'll get the call tonight?
-

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Ok, so I'm not even one to talk because I know I didn't think about these things while I was pregnant, but I have become aware and now I have to make other aware. If you are pregnant, or have had a healthy baby, please cherish it! There are people around you all the time who either cannot get pregnant or are angel mommies, they would give anything to be in your shoes no mater how tough it is. I'm not direction this at one person in particular, it's just been bothering me. I see these shows on TV and I can't believe some of these people! The worst show, which i don't watch, but I know it's out there is called something like, "Pregnant and..." and that is usually followed by "in jail" or "on meth" Should these shows even be on TV? I understand it's reality and blah blah blah, but it's horrific. There are people out there who do everything perfect by the book and lose their babies and then you have these pyschos who have perfectly fine babies, maybe they have some withdrawl but the babies survive and these people get to be mothers! Another show is "I didn't know I was pregnant" I have to admit, when i first saw the show I thought it was funny, I mean how can you not know you're pregnant? I guess I "might" understand some of the very obese girls or the lady who had her tubes tied, but otherwise come on, give me a break. Anyway, 9 out of 10 times these ladies have perfectly healthy babies, and they didn't even know they were pregnant. It's ridiculous, I mean, all the worrying and careful measures that pregnant women go through and some of those women tragically lose their precious babies and these people smoke, drink, do whatever they want and oh whoops I just had a healthy baby! Other shows about multiples also make me angry, not at the people, just the situation in general, and I know the ones on TV are the ones who have happy ending and tragically most multiple births don't turn out that way, but these people have 6 babies and they all end up fine?!? Come on! Finally, my guilty pleasure, 16 and pregnant, I'm back and forth on this show, but usually I'm ok with it. Today Abigail decided to put on MTV and I was too lazy to change it and they had a marathon of sorts. Well, I saw one episode from last season that now almost makes me want to puke, I mean before when I saw this part in the episode I just kept it as a mental note (I was pregnant at the time) I was telling my friend about it when we were talking about her baby girl not too long ago, but actually seeing the episode again made me want to cry. Nothing the parents did or anything, just the situation, she went in fr her 39 week checkup and the doctor was going through those same ol questions that they go through those last few weeks and she asked "and baby's moving good?" and she said something like "not as much as before" and the doctor said "the baby should keep about the same level of activity all the way to birth" so she had her hooked up to a NST and another doctor came in and said he didn't like the way the baby was responding so they were going to induce labor. She ended up having a c-section and the baby actually ended up having a genetic liver problem (not sure if it's related) but anyway, why does that whole scene make me ill? My friend knows why, and I'll just leave it there, but it's similar to the reasons that the shows where babies are delivered before 37 weeks make my stomach hurt, I just get this ache in my heart, not for me but for my friend and all others who lost their beautiful babies. Man, this post is a debbie downer, but I had to get it out. I'm debating whether or not to put it on facebook to remind all my preggo friends out there to suck it up and cherish it. grrrr.....

-Friend, I really hope this post is not upsetting, I have no intention of upsetting you or make you questions yourself, your doctors or anything, I know you can't go back or change anything that happened, just know I think about you, your husband and your little one everyday and well, i just want you to know that.

Getting there....

So I was happily reminded this week that there is an end to this deployment, and it is coming...eventually, I just have to be patient. Happily my friend's husband is home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for her, even though I know the homecoming is bitter sweet in a way, he is home and at least that is one thing she doesn't have to worry about anymore.

Even though i am so freakin happy for my friend, it makes me very anxious and impatient for my husband's return. I just wish he would have been on the same flight, he leave about a week and a half after her husband, but it looks like he'll go over the year mark by a few days :( But, I guess I can look at it on the positive side, it's not a 15 month deployment, so that's good. I just have to keep telling myself he's coming eventually.

The weather has been f-ing awesome this week. I am so happy, I hope it is really nice when Vinnie comes home, I want him to really be able to enjoy himself.

so, I'm gonna do some bashing for a minute, just to get it off my chest. A girl I know from high school is out here in Washington, her husband is Army. They got a compassion reassignment to here so their son can have better care. That's all fine and well. Then, she starts talking about how he hasn't deployed and has been in for 4 years! are you kidding me? That's crazy! His unit out at Ft. Drum deployed, but he got out of it. she said she called the governor and shiz! I mean, really? Do your f-ing duty, you signed up for this, at a time of war it means you go to war, that's just the way it is. The only people allowed to complain are those doing multiple deployments bc there are f-ing guys out there who haven't done one and people who have done 5! Ridiculous. That isn't even what peeves me though. So, they come out here with the assumption that he won't deploy for a year bc of the CA, well, apparently that's not how it works and he is going to deploy in October, I understand being upset I guess, but if they would have done their homework they would have known this and not expected to get out of it. Anyway, deployments suck, I know it, but don't complain if you've had 4 consecutive non-deployment years together, don't think your situation is special and you deserve special treatment. People deploy under not-ideal circumstances all the time! Vinnie left a month before his baby was due, don't you think he would have liked to stick around? In fact, some guy in the Brigade called around and got a delay in his deployment so he could be there for the birth of his baby (same day as Abigail), I know Vinnie probably could have called around and tried getting a delay, but really, we knew he had to go and what kind of example would he set for his soldiers if he stayed behind? He realized his situation is not special, plenty of wives have babies while their husbands are gone. Also, my friend had a tragedy during this deployment happen to her family, did they let her husband stay behind? No. He did his job, as hard and difficult as it was, the unit wasn't very compassionate or understanding and their situation actually was not typical and things should have been handled differently, but he left because it was his job and this was his 3rd deployment. Yet, we got little whiny boy who I know is at home whining about having to deploy. grrrr. I hate to rag on people, but sometimes, it is needed.

Sorry again. I really am not usually bad like that, but when I think of all the people who go through deployments when circumstances are not ideal and do it multiple times and then you have people who whine because they have to go once after 4 years of service? Ok, I'll go now before I really start looking nasty. I know as an officer's wife i should write like this about people. Good thing only one other person reads this! haha

Accomplished!

Wow, today has been a big day even though it started out pretty lazy. I got up super early because of my in house alarm, Abigail. But, that was ok, I got up and she had breakfast, I had breakfast, took the dogs out, fed and watered them. Then, Abigail was lookin sleepy so I put her down for a nap and in about 30 minutes she finally fell asleep, but she took a pretty good nap and so did I.

I was feelin so good I decided I'd brave pay day and make a trip to Wally World for groceries and misc. items. So, we went. I had Abigail in the baby carrier bc I knew I'd need the whole cart to shop. She did really awesome, I was so happy. After shopping I stopped to pick up some Micky D's on the way home. Got home, gave Abigail a snack and brought in all the stuff via laundry baskets. Then, I ate lunch, fed Abigail lunch and put away all the groceries.

Then, I decided to try to finish up hanging things in the office. We have a ton of stuff, all this White sox stuff, but now, it is all hung up, I also put the posters up in the guest bathroom. Even though I eyeball stuff and measure nothing, everything looks pretty good.

Abigail was in a good mood and it was super nice outside, so me and Abigail went to the park. First, I had her sit with me while swinging, which is what we usually do, but I thought maybe she's ready for the baby swing. I put her in it and she was soo excited, it was so cute.

I got home and played with the dogs for a little while and did some laundry and the dishes. I put laundry and dishes away and vacuumed and cleaned. I cleaned abigail's carseat and high chair.

I gave abigail dinner, gave her a bath and then put her to bed. Then, i went through all our bills, paperwork and all that stuff and organized it and filed some things away.

I just took the dogs out again, fed and watered . I then cleaned up all their poo outside, three dogs = a lot of poo. and now i am ready to eat my dinner. What a day, what a day.

I forgot to add that I watched the US world cup game and the white sox game. Freakin awesome. Too bad the US goal didn't count and no one knows why, but they still had an awesome comeback and the white sox pulled out an extra inning victory!

Social Butterfly

who'd a thunk? Me a socialite! ha, I laugh at this. But, no, it is true, the last couple weeks I have been very social, you all would be so proud! a couple nights ago I organized a screening of Drop Dead Diva and Army Wives with pretty good success. Today I organized a lunch that also worked out well and had a friend over for some good ole John Adams! Now, this seems maybe normal to most folk, they have friends, they hang out with these friends, but not for me. I didn't have a friend in college until late and we did get together a couple of times. I was very grateful for her because without her I'd have left IU with having made no real friends, sigh. I mean I had a roommate freshman year, yes, I lived with someone and we never even talked. We got along, didn't fight or anything, but we weren't friends, weird I think, but that's just how I am I guess. Maybe it's because Army wives just get it, they know you don't have forever to build this friendship so you need to just dive into it because you will want these people when the boys are gone, and during the day when they are here or if you have questions about stuff. I have also learned that Army wives don't let you down. I have tried organizing things with "friends" in the past, but they either don't give a straight answer, like they'll say "might" a lot, or they just flake out and don't see it as a big deal. But, army wives have been different, if I say, hey we should have lunch, the next response is something like, "well, I'm free tomorrow" instead of "yeah we should" That's what i've needed apparently, people to just take initiative. I am so happy I have found some people who do. I hope no matter what base I end up at I can find friends like these. It's funny, some of these ladies I've only met twice yet, I can call them friends, there are people I know for years that I don't feel comfortable using that word.

These last couple weeks have taught me one thing for sure. I think I may have been able to handle staying in washington for the deployment. Yes, it would have been hard at times, but I think I could have done it. I am glad I went home, and we now have a freakin awesome house so, I'm not complaining. Well, that's all for now!

Stop complaining!

so I've always been a whiner, a complainer, whatever you want to call it. I mean, if I watch videos of me as a little girl I just whine whine whine, and I still do today. I'd like to think I'm not as bad as I was, or at least I'm trying to be better.

I complain about my dogs, a lot, but they really do stress me out. I know the only way to make things better is to not have so many, but I also can't bring myself to getting rid of any :( I think the only way it would work is if someone in my family would take them, then I know they'd be cared for and I'd still be able to see them. But, I also know if I'm not going to do anything about it, I should stop complaining. I know it drives Vinnie mad, for one he isn't here so he can't fix the problem and for two I won't fix the problem, so it's just craziness. It seems like everyday I have a new adventure with them (not in a positive way), It's just so tiring.

The real point of this post was to talk about Abigail, which I have kind of avoided doing on this blog since there is only one person that reads this that I know of and I don't want to rub my baby in her face, but in this case I'm going to say some things. When Abigail was first born up until she was about 4 months old I complained, a lot, about her not sleeping, I mean she never, EVER slept, I am not making this up, I'm talking she'd do 2 hours max, a day, including the night. Anyway, it really stressed me out and I actually went crazy at one point (when she was about 2 months) which I could blame on the hormones I suppose. Anyway, to get back on track, I don't usually regret things I do or say because they happened and there isn't anyway to change it, but I regret that complaining, it was pointless, I was hit with the hard reality, through a friend, that I need to just count my blessings and stop the whining. I had been doing a good job with it, but found myself complaining again last night, to this friend... shame on me. I want this to be an apology for that, I am trying to avoid the whining, it honestly comes natural to me, and I am sorry for whining to you.

Anyway, I have been having a lot of fun in Washington since being back, only a few more weeks until Vinnie returns. I am going to try to stay on top of this blog a little bit better, maybe I'll get some followers? Ha, yeah right, I'd put it on facebook but I don't want my family reading it. I kinda want to use it as a place to complain about them, ha there I go again!

Off Week...

This is from my WW blog, but thought I'd share here
I have made goal, but this week reminded me that is isn't ALWAYS easy to stay on track, but I do know I can get back on, to recap the week...
So, my weigh in day is Tuesday, I always pig out afterward, it's just what I do, it usually has no effect on my weight loss and allows be to really indulge on whatever I want for a night, I think it actually is helpful because typically, during the week I will want something bad and say to myself, save it for Tuesday, well, I can only have so much on Tuesday so I know I am saving myself a lot of not so good options by doing it this way, anyway, I am going to list the day of the week and the not so good choices I made this week, because, I was really bad...

Tuesday...KFC 3 pieces of chicken (2 fried, 1 grilled) mashed potatoes w/gravy and cole slaw

Wednesday...KFC leftovers and buttery popcorn (went to the movies, got a small popcorn, but then got a refill :( Oh I almost forgot, went to Olive Garden and had soup, salad, breadsticks, only one breadstick, otherwise not too bad, but again, I would normally only do this if I had saved points and had been on point all week.

Thursday... Decided for some reason I deserved something not good from BK, had a tendercrisp and fries, wasn't really worth it, but brought back memories from college, reminded me of sitting at the IMU watching Sportcenter and bowling class while studying for my next class..I miss IU...anyway, I realize I prefer McDonald's fries...I also went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant...love Mexican food, wasn't my choice to go there, family was celebrating, otherwise I would have been smarter during the day, anyway, I had shrimp fajitas, so not too bad, avoided the cheese and sour cream, but had a generous helping of chips and salsa

Friday...I was pretty good, until my dad ordered pizza for dinner, which still isn't that bad, but not so good considering how the week was going

Saturday...went to lunch with my mom at Red Robin, yep had a chicken Burger and fries, not the first time I have had this meal while on WW, but usually I have been pretty on point during the week

Sunday...Mother's Day, my first, so I convinced myself I could have whatever I want. For some reason we had a Chinese potluck at my grandma's house around 12, so yep ate all that including an eggroll and a few crab rangoons, lots of rice too. Then I went out to dinner with my family at Longhorn Steakhouse. Normall I avoid appetizers and bread, etc, but like I said I had convinced myself that this week was already dead so I at a lot of Texas Tonion, had some bread WITH BUTTER! my entree was a Filet Mignon and sweet potato, not so bad.

Monday..Pretty good during the day besides the McDonald's fries I had with my salad lol. At night, of coarse it was pizza again (my family loves that stuff) and I ate 3 pieces of pepperoni pizza ad half a breadstick

So, looking back I cant believe I let myself go. My family eats out A LOT as you can tell, usually not a problem, I have never gone a week without losing weight, I don't know what I'll weigh tonight, but I may have to use that no weigh in pass, I'm almost at Lifetime too, I will be back on, starting tonight, I'm gonna have healthy pig out tonight instead of eating junk...thinking Jimmy John's? Well, wish me luck on getting back on track!

No more dude

So, I haven't really written about "the dude" here, but I think it's about time to at least put some feelings on the table. no "the dude" is not awesome like the big lebowski, he sucks actually. I don't even think it's because he's my mom's boyfriend, I don't think I would dislike just anyone, but this dude drives me crazy, I guess it's partially not his fault.

First problem, my mom is still married and she has a boyfriend and has had one for like 5 or 6 years, I know gross. She won't get a divorce and since my dad isn't the one who "left" he doesn't want on either since he knows he'll have to give mom money, house, or whatever. The thing is, my dad used to live in the house because it was my mom who wanted to leave. My brother went kinda nutty his sophomore year and so my mom moved back in and my dad went to an apartment. My dad couldn't afford to pay for an apartment and a house (my mom was paying for the apartment but then stopped) so he had to move out and now lives in a room in somebody's house while paying for the house we live in. Ok, not really that big of a deal, lots of guys have to do that, the issue? The dude basically lives here. He has his own house, but he sleeps here every night, I have to see his scrubby ass come down the stairs every morning which usually results in waking up Abigail (making me pretty angry). He basically steals my mom from me too. My mom has always been a smoker, but the dude is a heavy duty smoker and since she's been with him she smokes A LOT more than before. It's nice that she only smokes upstairs so it's not around Abigail, but I hardly ever see my mom. Her and the dude go have a smoke like every 15-30minutes. He is also her dance partner and so they go to dance lessons and dances during the week and on the weekend. Now, it's all good that my mom goes out and has fun, but she goes out a lot and it out really late, yet when she doesn't go out she goes to bed all early because she's tired and will not hang out with me. typically she'll get home from work say hi to Abigail and then go get ready to go out. I see her about 15 minutes a day, yet she said she's all sad that we are leaving soon, maybe she should stay home more so we can hang out. The dude also does not respect my moms diet at all, i sweat i don't know how that guy isnt 400lbs, he eats like crazy. My mom has been doing the Atkins diet for about 7 years or so and even thought i dont think it's the best diet it has worked for her, so basically she isn't supposed to eat carbs right? Apparently this dude is Alton Brown or some shit and makes tons of stuff my mom cant eat, usually dessert and makes her eat it. What did he make for dinner last night? Freakin spaghetti and breadsticks! What the hell? I feel bad because I know my mom s upset about it, but she doesn't say anything. He also butts his head in everything, telling me what i should be feeding abigail and stuff, him and my mom even gave her ice cream when she was babysitting, I was pretty pissed about it, not because of the ice cream but maybe I wanted to be there when she tried ice cream the first time. I don't want that guy and his dirty hands touching my abigail, he is seriously so freakin dirty. My mom doesn't even ask if it's ok, I should just tell her, but I don't want to make my mom mad, she is no fun at all for days on end if she's mad. The dude also eats my pizza. Sounds stupid but see I will order a pizza every once in awhile and save leftover for lunch the next day. Him and ma will come to the house in the middle of the night and fatty will eat the rest of my pizza. I have even puts notes on it before. First of all, it's not his house, and it's not his pizza I freakin paid for it! It'd be different if he asked, like "Hey can I have a piece of your pizza?" but no he just eats it, and not just a piece, the whole thing and he thinks it's funny. He has cracked jokes about how he ate my pizza. The other day Amanda ordered the pizza and he came in the house and at two pieces! grrr On top of that my sister is getting married next summer and my dad, mom and the dude need to get this figured out before then. Holidays are already weird because now we go with the dude to my aunt's house. My dad and the dude haven't met. If my mom and dad had just settled this 5 years ago it'd be no big deal by now. My dad cant even come to family functions because the dude is there and mom won't let them collide. My cousin Gary got married i think two years ago and my dad couldn't come. Now you have to realize Gary is like another son to my dad, my mom and dad have been married like 25 years my dad has no brothers or sisters and so my moms brothers and sisters are his family and now he is cut off. My uncle died and he couldnt come to the funeral. I mean, seriously. Well, I'm done for now, my rage is building up. I will stop for now, but I think you can get the idea. Nighty night!

I love my husband

So, I know it's obvious, but I really do love my husband. We have always been a strong couple, but this deployment has really shown us how strong we really are. He sends me the sweetest emails and letters you could ever read. It just makes me feel good to be loved by someone as much as he loves me. It's crazy. I can't wait until he is finally home and we can be normal again. It can't come soon enough.

Things are starting to move along with the whole moving back to Washington thing. Well, I say that yet I haven't really made any progress. I almost had a house a week and a half ago, but then the lady sold it. I applied for a house in Dupont, but now we are thinking it doesn't really work for us. Then I called about a few other places, but have been disappointed over and over again. For example, no fenced yard even though it says fenced yard, people have decided not to rent but rather to sell, or the house is already taken. I finally found a place that I think would be perfect for us. I called and asked if it was available, they said yes, so I started getting all excited, sent in an application, they said everything looked good but we'd know for sure in 24 hours, then about 5 minutes later I get a call saying there was a miscommunication and they had promised another couple the first showing of the house on Monday at 10am. So, now I gotta wait until then to find out. Meanwhile, I have tried getting another house lined up. I guess I wouldn't mind the backup house and I'm prepared for it since i've been let down so far. It's in a really nice neighborhood, smaller, but cheaper. It doesn't have a real yard, it has a patch of grass and patio that is fenced in, but it is right next to a couple parks and trails, so it'd be nice for us.

I just want it to be over so I can start making more plans. I need to book movers, get a trailer for the truck, book flights, pack things, and who knows what else, I have a very long list. I know I still have to figure out how to get from the airport to the storage unit to get my car. I'm gonna have to jump it so I'll need someone with a car and jumper cables, even though I might have some in the car, I'm not sure.

Well, I'll go now, just wanted to share a little.

So confused

So, I have been having this back and forth dilemma regarding my dogs for quite awhile now. Just thinking about doing another move with the dogs is making me tired. Plus, Vinnie and I are going to want to take a trip and we'll either have to board them all or get a pet-sitter or something. If we were normal, like we had planned to be when we got the dogs, I could handle them, we wouldn't be living across the country wanting or needing to come home every once in awhile or have to move because the Army says so or desperately need a vacation because we have been separated for a year. But, that's not what happened. I LOVE my dogs, I really do, I wish I were a better owner, but things just haven't gone the way we thought they were going to go when we went crazy and ended up with three dogs. If only we had stopped at Hoosier things would be ok, but Yoda was so irresistibly cute, I'm not kidding and I know we saved Charles from being euthenized, no one wanted him and it was so sad. We really shouldn't have gotten a third dog but really the difference of 2 and 3 isn't much. One dog would be so much easier. I just don't want to give them up forever because i know someday we will be settled again and be normal and then I would want my puppies back. I wouldn't want a stranger to have them because I'd be scared they'd end up at a shelter. I just need a couple friends or family members to take one or both of my doggies into their home. They are good dogs, for real. It would be like an open adoption, I want to be able to see pictures and stuff and then if I feel i'm ready to have them back I could come get them. I know that isn't really realistic. That's why it's so frustrating. Well, that's all i'm gonna write tonight, i need to go to sleep i'm so tired but thoughts of everything keep running through my mind and I can't settle down!